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zredwood
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Do you ever wonder if you are insane? Or worse maybe mentally retarded in some way and just don't know it? I see these people with these “social handicaps” and feel sorry for them but at the same time I can see pieces of myself. Maybe other people view me as I view those people. Perhaps those people do not know that they are viewed in that way by me. I can take the easy route and just blame this feeling on a self-esteem issue but I am to the point sometimes that I don't know if I believe this. Sure it makes me feel better for a short amount of time, but I just wish I knew the truth. Do people that have mental problems know that they have mental problems or do they just take the way that everyone treats them as normal because that is all they have ever known.

If I go the self esteem route I will tell you what I tell myself. I go through cycles. I hear the commercials of bi-polar disorder and identify myself with these periods of highs and lows but without the heightened creativity. But just because I FEEL that I relate doesn't mean that I am actually suffering from this illness. A little about myself now. I am 25 and have never succeeded or been talented at anything. Mainly I feel because I am lazy but again I can't be so sure. I feel lately that I have always been handled with care by my parents and friends. I have this suspicion that before I am introduced to a girlfriend or something of this nature by my friends that they first give a warning of my personality which on a good day can be somewhat hard to handle. All in all I go for weeks with a definite feeling of self pride and confidence only to have it shattered by the slightest slip of tongue or action that leads into a period of mild to severe depression. There I go sounding like a commercial. I am just a bowl of pop culture(I stole that line from a song, I promise I am not that creative). I just want to be a normal person. How do I go about this? How can I control myself? I want to have relationships where I don't alienate the people that I care about. I want to have a conversation for longer than five minutes where I don't run out of things to say and start babbling like an idiot about things that I don't know about. I want to be able to say or WRITE something without imagining the reaction I am getting or will get by the recipients. Yes thats right, as I am writing this I am visualizing you scrutinizing my every thought and word(if I decide to post this somewhere.)

I think it is normal to feel like no one understands you and maybe even the feeling that I am insane but dammit I'm 25 and don't want to deal with this anymore. Maybe I skipped it when I was a teenager but that was because I was on cruise control and without a care. I want that feeling again. I find myself getting a guilty pleasure out of feeling sorry for myself. The occasional empty threats of suicide I make to myself give this odd sense of satisfaction. I would never cash these checks of course mainly because of my love of my mortality, family and the hope I still have that I will grow out of this eventually or learn to “fix” myself. I think sometimes that it could have been the drugs I got into after high school or maybe its just the natural evolution of my mind. Considering my mother has had severe depression since I can remember; You think maybe it rubbed off on me? I can't blame her, all she has ever done is love me unconditionally. I am scared though if this is a possibility that I could in turn rub off on my wonderful little girl. If I do post this and if anyone care to read it I can't go to therapy because my wife has more reasons to be f-ed up than me and if anyone would need to go it is her. Poor girl has to deal with her past AND my constant crazy bullshite.

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Hey zredwood, how are you feeling now? Did it help to write this stuff down and put it out there? I would believe myself that everyone feels out of place from time to time. Life is too stressful for anyone to think they are in control all the time - especially when we're trying to measure ourselves against nigh-on impossible stereotypes held up by the media! I'd be similar myself in that I see lists of symptoms for mental illnesses and find myself identifying with them far too often. I don't know if this means anything - maybe everyone feels like that to some degree, but it may not be extreme enough to actually be a disorder?

Even so, it probably would be helpful for you to try and talk to someone. If anything is wrong, hopefully they can help to sort it out. If not, they can put your mind to rest and you can get on with your life. In either event, it might help you deal with these thoughts and let you be there for your family in the way you want to be. It's great that you love them enough want to "fix" yourself for their benefit. Post again soon, let us know how you're doing.

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Do you ever wonder if you are insane? Or worse maybe mentally retarded in some way and just don't know it? I see these people with these “social handicaps” and feel sorry for them but at the same time I can see pieces of myself. Maybe other people view me as I view those people. Perhaps those people do not know that they are viewed in that way by me. I can take the easy route and just blame this feeling on a self-esteem issue but I am to the point sometimes that I don't know if I believe this. Sure it makes me feel better for a short amount of time, but I just wish I knew the truth. Do people that have mental problems know that they have mental problems or do they just take the way that everyone treats them as normal because that is all they have ever known.

If I go the self esteem route I will tell you what I tell myself. I go through cycles. I hear the commercials of bi-polar disorder and identify myself with these periods of highs and lows but without the heightened creativity. But just because I FEEL that I relate doesn't mean that I am actually suffering from this illness. A little about myself now. I am 25 and have never succeeded or been talented at anything. Mainly I feel because I am lazy but again I can't be so sure. I feel lately that I have always been handled with care by my parents and friends. I have this suspicion that before I am introduced to a girlfriend or something of this nature by my friends that they first give a warning of my personality which on a good day can be somewhat hard to handle. All in all I go for weeks with a definite feeling of self pride and confidence only to have it shattered by the slightest slip of tongue or action that leads into a period of mild to severe depression. There I go sounding like a commercial. I am just a bowl of pop culture(I stole that line from a song, I promise I am not that creative). I just want to be a normal person. How do I go about this? How can I control myself? I want to have relationships where I don't alienate the people that I care about. I want to have a conversation for longer than five minutes where I don't run out of things to say and start babbling like an idiot about things that I don't know about. I want to be able to say or WRITE something without imagining the reaction I am getting or will get by the recipients. Yes thats right, as I am writing this I am visualizing you scrutinizing my every thought and word(if I decide to post this somewhere.)

I think it is normal to feel like no one understands you and maybe even the feeling that I am insane but dammit I'm 25 and don't want to deal with this anymore. Maybe I skipped it when I was a teenager but that was because I was on cruise control and without a care. I want that feeling again. I find myself getting a guilty pleasure out of feeling sorry for myself. The occasional empty threats of suicide I make to myself give this odd sense of satisfaction. I would never cash these checks of course mainly because of my love of my mortality, family and the hope I still have that I will grow out of this eventually or learn to “fix” myself. I think sometimes that it could have been the drugs I got into after high school or maybe its just the natural evolution of my mind. Considering my mother has had severe depression since I can remember; You think maybe it rubbed off on me? I can't blame her, all she has ever done is love me unconditionally. I am scared though if this is a possibility that I could in turn rub off on my wonderful little girl. If I do post this and if anyone care to read it I can't go to therapy because my wife has more reasons to be f-ed up than me and if anyone would need to go it is her. Poor girl has to deal with her past AND my constant crazy bullshite.

It is a fact that EVERYBODY has mental health. Mental health, physical health... what is the difference anyway? A brain is a brain, IMO. It's physical! If one has heart disease, they take medication. If one has high blood pressure, they take a pill for it. If one has schizophrenia, they take medication for it. Mental illness might not be curable, but it can be controlled in most situations.

Why can I not tell anyone that I am bipolar? It's the STIGMA!! It is because many folks out there in the world are looking at an outdated history book and the true reality of it. Why use the word "mental" at all?? The health of the brain is just that. The concept of the mind is only a model in psychology. It does not exist.

Stigma gets to me any time I hear it. Can you spell I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E?

Anyone can become depressed over a divorce, the death of a loved one, loss of a job... you name it; their mental health will most likely suffer. But depression in these situations is just that: situational depression. There are brain disorders that fall under the label "Mental Health". And that is what you are referring to here.

Who I am is not my diagnosis. I am who I am. And I know who I am.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS BASED ON MY VIEWPOINT ONLY.

Edited by WinterSky
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Hi All

I agree entirely with you Wintersky. People seem to brand you if they know that you suffer with Mental Health Problems! But why? At the end of the day we are human being's, just like anyone else?

My friend used to always say to me; WHY TRY SO HARD TO FIT IN, WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT! That always cheered me up for a while!

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Hi All

I agree entirely with you Wintersky. People seem to brand you if they know that you suffer with Mental Health Problems! But why? At the end of the day we are human being's, just like anyone else?

I know!!! We are all made up of the same stuff!! Genes, proteins, flesh, guts, brains, water.... But you know what I did recently? A week or two ago, I had a really really really really really bad day (whew). At the end of the day when I brought my father back from the clinic, we went straight to the dining room to his table. I could have cared less what people thought at the moment. I took a pill and said I did not feel well and was bipolar going through some med changes; and no one thought twice about it. They still saw me as me!! Go figure.

My friend used to always say to me; WHY TRY SO HARD TO FIT IN, WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT! That always cheered me up for a while!

Oh I like that! "Why try so hard to fit in, when I was born to stand out". Or simply "I was born to stand out! I am uniquely my own individual self and I am special in my own way."

I personally believe that each of us are special in our own ways. We just need to find it within ourselves. Okay so perky Katie Couric is special!! So am I! :rolleyes:

Remember those "Highlights" magazines for kids in the waiting room? I used to read the cartoons in them when I was 10 or 11 of age. They were of two boys where I viewed one boy as bad and one boy as good. I could identify with the bad boy and made me feel guilty and selfish; but now that I look back, it had to do with examples of self-esteem. At least I think that is what their intent was. At the time I could not understand what made the good boy special.

Ah I am rambling.... :o

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