Social thing outside of my family today

[WinterSky]

Well today I went to a meeting at a bird club. They are all breeders of these particular birds but I have just had them as pets. The meeting was at a member's house out in the country. The day was cool today with sunny skies. This is the first social thing outside of my family that I have done in YEARS! I've gone to my dad's assisted living place and I've done okay interacting with those folks, but it just seems different.

I was really nervous. The words were not flowing very well because I had so many words that wanted to come out all at once that I had trouble. Some sentences came out okay, with others I stumbled. My eye contact felt a bit uncomfortable and had trouble listening. But I know that if I focused on my hearing and what they were communicating it would not have been bad. But it was not that bad.

There was another man there who was a new member as well, and this was his second meeting. He seemed to be very nervous and perhaps not very focused during the meeting. It was mostly talk about the bird show over this past labor day as well as other business. (We did have lunch before the meeting.)

There were some moments of clarity where I experienced spontaneity and the words just flowed. Some individuals I clicked with better than others. I was able to get a few jokes in and got a few laughs. I volunteered for computer/web stuff that might need to be done. Also next year for the Labor day bird show, we will be preparing some of the birds to be tame for the show. One lady will tame them, and I will keep a couple to keep them tame. Others will volunteer to do the same. That will be so neat!

I was listening better overall, I felt my sense of self, felt manic a little bit because of the stress I guess (I was able to sneak off to take a klonapin), I remembered people's names, got a wink from a man , and finally I did not think about "how much longer before I get out of here!", not once whatsoever!

Well I am kinda proud of myself for doing this. I want to commit to this club, but I have been so unstable for so long, I just do not trust myself. These last few days I have actually felt a bit of stability there. So I shall keep moving.

[appleby]

Good Going WinterSky!!

It's great that you took the risk to go to the club meeting and even better that you generally enjoyed it and have decided that you want to get involved. I think that as you continue to attend the meetings and get to know the people there, the awkwardness you felt at times when you were there will become less and less.

Have fun!!

AB

[WinterSky]

Thanks AB! You know the only people contact I have had before my dad moved to the assisted living place (and after I went on disability in 11/2000) was with mental and medical health professionals, my crazy family, and people I have met in online communities. With the online communities I have gotten so emotionally invested, and would easily feel sensitive. But in real life I am not that sensitive I am finding.

... well except that when I had a problem with my therapist, I dumped her and went to another. Then when I had an emergency and this new guy did not return my page, I turned back to my old therapist and she responded quickly as she always does. Then I decided to dump the new guy. And when I was unhappy with my doctor, I wanted to dump him not once, but twice (!) and my therapist gave me the name of a doctor. I had just realized this was going on last Wednesday when I met with my old but current therapist. (Hope that is not confusing??) Now I have two therapists and one doctor (and one backup doctor). Both therapists are very good for their own reasons.

Now if I can just integrate/fuse their brains together somehow, imagine just one bill!