Is all of this part of Social Anxiety Disorder?

[Traveler]

I'm new to this forum, but have been dealing with some issues with my wife for some time. I would be extremely grateful if someone could help me shed some light on this.

I'm pretty sure she has social anxiety disorder - fear of large crowds, paranoia that people are judging her, waiting for her to screw up, etc.

On top of that though, she has an eating disorder - starving herself at one moment because she's worried about someone seeing her and judging her for 1, looking fat, or 2, thinking that she's fat and shouldn't be eating whatever it is she may be eating or thinking about eating; or when she gets home, binging on whatever snack she happens to grab, and then feeling guilty about it, or worse of all causing herself to throw up (bulimia).

Then in addition to her low self-esteem, she is constantly engaged in secret, emotional, non-physical, affairs outside of the marriage, and at one point left me for a former supervisor who took advantage of her self-esteem issues, only to return after she found out that he was a controlling jerk.

Me, I'm a recently sober sexual addict, mostly addicted to pornography and masturbation. In dealing with my own recovery, I have begun to notice that her issues have been fueling my own insecurities, adding fuel to the fire already consuming my life. I love her, and yet I know that I'm a co-dependent in her life. I'm worried that she will prevent my own recovery, but love her, and know that if she can somehow see that something is wrong in her life, maybe we can both get help and work on recovery together.

As of right now, all she does is hate me for my addiction, and it's further poisoning our relationship. I know that I too carry a huge amount of resentment towards her because in the past she blames me for her selfishness, denying that she has any kind of problems, and at the same time despising me for my addiction (which she makes worse).

It's all so confusing, but I love her, and know we can have a wonderful relationship when we're better, and we share a young daughter and am willing to do anything to keep our family together. It's hard though when she is unwilling to seek help, and is in denial. Is this all a result of social anxiety? I don't know what's going on, but feel that if I can begin to understand this, maybe I can help myself, and find ways to encourage my wife to seek out her own help in dealing with this.

Edited October 31, 2008 by Traveler
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