Dont know where to turn

[meyoumeyou08]

ok i have a serious issue; my 17 yr old son just came to me and told me he wants to be a girl. I was very calm and collected and never made fun of him when he was talking. Right now im very numb dont know what to feel. I don't know what to do.

[confused12]

Hi Meyoumeyou

This may be the perfect opportunity for you to connect with your son. It may be an opportunity to really talk to him about his thoughts and feelings. As a parent of three young boys I would hope that they could come out and tell me if they felt this way.

There is a great deal to explore in this statement. Seek the support you and he need.

Good luck and best wishes

1confused12

[meyoumeyou08]

Thank you. I did have an extended talk with him and I really think he's just curious.. I mean he is 17 and he is slow in learning so maybe this is his catching up. I really do know my children.. (at times sure there are things I dont know about them) I dont know where this is going to go we will see...

[Guest ASchwartz]

meyoumeyou08,

First, I think it's actually terrific that your son could speak to you about this. It shows you that he has enormous trust in you and you seem to have demonstrated why by not poking fun or criticizing him.

Kids at this age are "polymorphous perverse," and that means that many of them still have all the sexual options open to them because everything feels good and, therefore, they experiment. Some boys and girls at this age even experiment with homosexuality and a few convince themselves that they arer gay.

However, I can tell you that among those few, even few actually become homosexual, even if they experimented.

I would urge you to not discuss this with your son unless he brings it up again. Of course, you can always tell him how pleased you are that he came to you and told you. You can add that he can come to you to talk, at any time. After that, refrain from advice, or opinions, unless he asks you. You are both on delicate ground and you do not want to send the message that he scared you or that you are judging him. In the end, everything may work out. If not, you and he will deal with it one way or another. But, for now, remain calm, remember, he is your son and you love him.

Allan

[meyoumeyou08]

ASchwartz hello and thanks for the kind words. We were talking last night and I did tell him that he is still at that experminting age. I also told him curiosity is very normal for men and women. Like I said I know my kids and I know that he has not shown me any homosexuality traits. My son is a very delicate person in the sense that he has autism. I have a very good relationship with my children (that is something I never had with my parents) and as they were growing up I made sure I was going to have a good one with mine. He is very curious I mean he is 17 after all. I think in about 2 years it will catch up with him and this shall pass. Thank you and I will heed to what you have said.

[Pseudonym]

This sounds like a classic case of Gender confusion. NOT Homosexuality. Most people who have gender confusion are not homosexual, they simply feel that they would be more comfortable as the opposite gender. I agree, I think it is wonderful that your son feels so open with you that he would come to you about this problem, it shows that you have been a fairly attentive mother. I commend you for your love and support.

In psychology they teach that mothers are more likely to have a gender bias than fathers, and impose those roles more strictly. This could be why, even though you believe that it is his choice, you feel numb to the idea, and don't want it to happen. That is alright. However it is his choice, and if he feels that he really wants to make the choice, than doing what you are doing, that is listening to him and being open and honest is the correct course of action, as for warming up to the idea... that will take time. Don't feel bad about it, It would take anyone time.

Now presenting with my candor, I can honestly say that your son probably does not REALLY want to be a girl. At his age he has not fully been suited into his gender, or he is trying to attract attention for something else going on in his life. If either is so, you might want to ask him more than if he wants to be a girl

- Anonymous

[meyoumeyou08]

Thanks Pseudonym for that respose... It's not mentioned anymore by him.. I think I have presented this to the forum before however I really know my son... and I know he is 17 and curious. I sat him down and told him if he did have a sex change I think he would regret personally because he is not wired that way and I explained the many ways of how he is not wired that way. I am very observant when it comes to my family. He wanted to do various things like try girls clothes on etc.. I said there is nothing wrong with being curious... I think what needs to be understood by our kids is that they just want us to listen. Not freak out, yell etc but really listen to them and give them feedback. He asked if he could paint his toes... go right ahead I said.. and you know he has not yet. I think he wanted to see my reaction. I don't know I think we parents really need to be more of a listening tool VS a tool...