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I may have a problem.


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If you have read my comments on the other forums, you probably know why I am here... I have a problem with CP. Now I don't buy into the twelve steps... I can get Recognizing there is a higher power... That andrea the giant guy seems pretty powerful... But surrendering my freewill is where I draw the line. I understand that I do not control my impulses, but to say that I am powerless is to implicate that I can never get better. I do not mind my fantasies, my sexual mind is much different from my real mind, who thinks that these actions are amoral. I have never been a danger to myself or others, and I have never let this addiction pass into the real world, I can take care of kids with out even thinking about them in bad ways. But sometimes when I am feeling stressed, or vulnerable... I turn to CP.

I do endorse one should not feel badly about a fantasy. But I also accept that looking at the material is wrong, is an action that I wish not to take anymore. I am resistant to speaking to my therapist about it. I won't even give any indication of who I am to you people... It is embarrassing, and myself hating myself for these actions.

I need help. Do not judge me, do not call me sick. Just help a person who needs it. Give me possible solutions, things to do. Here is a list of symptoms.

- High Stress

- Erectile Dysfunction brought on by Performance Anxiety.

- Loss of faith in humanity because consistent betrayal.

- Persistent addiction to CP. With no want or desire to act out in real life.

- Depression and Anxiety.

- Inability to maintain focus.

- Irritability.

- Points in time where I lose all reason and logic and revert to insane courses of action

If you have read my other posts, you know that I am a reasonable and intelligent man who wants nothing else but to have this corner of his life fixed discretely. Help me.

- Anonymous

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I do endorse one should not feel badly about a fantasy. But I also accept that looking at the material is wrong

Looking at the material is wrong. No question about it. By consuming such material you are supporting, however indirectly, the serious and substantial abuse of children.

Addressing your question, however, of what you can do to avoid using child porn, is there any substitute behavior you can engage in, that is satisfying in its own right to be a stable substitute for this fetish material? There are more than a few other ways to be sexually extreme if that is the way you need to be, and most of them involve consenting adults. What is it exactly (to the best of your knowledge) that makes this sort of porn uniquely compelling to you?

You are using child porn in part as a pressure release, from the looks of it. Have you explored other ways to keep your stress lower. We've got an entire article on stress management you may wish to explore.

Mark

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I have been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Because of that I find actual pleasure in disobeying authority, and reversing social norms. When I was younger, watching regular porn was enough, my mother very much disapproving of a young person watching this stuff, though she said once I was 18 that I could. She was very stringent on rules. She was loving, but strict.

I guess what attracts me to this is how wrong I feel it is... I feel the same pleasure out of other things I feel are wrong such as rape, or other sexual preferences that I do not not share. Such as I am not a homosexual. I know this because I do not find men attractive. However homoerotic acts give me the same excitement. I guess it is all because I know how different it is to me, how much against my family and my raising it is.

Do not get me wrong. If I were a homosexual or anything of the such, my family would support me. They are very loving and very supportive. I could never trace my actions back to them...

I understand that my diagnosis is not an excuse. There is no excuse. I do not share the belief that I endorse these actions that these individuals who act on these feelings do. The posts you find on the internet is are afterall a narcissistic way of saying "Look what I did!" However, by watching them I do say that it is alright to act on these impulses, a feeling in which I do not share, and by not reporting these, or stepping away I feel that I may be an accessory to these actions. I want to stop, and I'm trying to... That is why I am asking for your help.

- Anonymous

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Nothing hurts trying. Finding a substitute for this might actually mean trying to become more sexually active with my consenting partner. A person whom I love and respect, and who is much more age appropriate for me. I know it may seem counterproductive, however I do not feel that chewing a piece of gum to relieve pedophilia would be very effective, Maybe fighting fire with smoke might help put down my flames.

As for stress management, I'll tell you what, I have therapy in less than an hour, I can certainly talk to him about stress management.

- Anonymous

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Would your girlfriend be up to "PLAY".... like maybe dress like a school girl or something?

I agree with Mark like I said in another post... by looking at or buying those CP pictures... you are helping to hurt a child.... If noone looked at them most of the pictures would go away.

I do not have the most healthy sex life.... but it has nothing to do with kids.... I do not think you want to hurt ANYONE... I think you have been hurt enough yourself....

I do want to thank you for being honest ... even though you have been called names... at least you are trying to talk about it...... Hopefully someone will be of help.....

Gabs

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Again I'd like to thank you for your kind words. It means a lot, and I believe it will help me in recover. I have always appreciated your candor during my short period here. And the fact that you are struggling to understand a person in order to help them means a lot to me.

My girlfriend and I have done "play". It was all good, and it helped in a short period. Maybe I should talk to her about doing it again. God knows that our relationship could use a little spicing up. And who knows, maybe it can help me.

Again, thank you, I did not come here to be judged, and you seem to be the first person here that seems to understand that, you and mark at least. So thank you. And if you need help I'm always here, I may not be the most mentally healthy of individuals, but I do have an innate grasp on human nature, and an obsession with Social Science allowing me to not only relate, but give answers to problems.

- Anonymous

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To be clear, I don't understand this sort of thing - it is alien to me - and am suspicious of anyone who makes claims the way you do (e.g., "I've got this desire but it's under control ...") after having had experience working with some pedophiles earlier in my career who made similar claims which turned out to be empty. Nevertheless, I believe that the old saying, "judge the sin, not the sinner" has merit. And I also believe, having witnessed it in other men, that you probably are ambivalent about this issue and that your pain is genuine if not all consuming. So I try to appeal to the side of you that I can relate to, in the hopes that you can relate back. If anything we say here can help to motivate you or someone like you with similar desires from harming children, directly or indirectly, that is time well spent. If you are antisocial about it, it's a wasted effort, however. There's no way to know.

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I do not believe in faith, nor do I believe in the better of the doubt. I actually believe that people are basically bad, and with the right training we can aspire to be something a little less than pure evil...

Given my philosophy I can understand your negative undertone. I would not trust a person like me either. I realize that many people have probably made these claims to you. That "I would never do this", "I would never hurt a child." Because of this it is understandable that a person like me would seem untrustworthy.

I may believe in negativity, but I also hold myself to standards. I believe in truth, honesty, what is right, and evidence. Why the last one? It is to make a point. People in my condition who are antisocial do not want help, nor would they actively seek it. Of course it is possible that a narcissist who just wants to mess with people would join a forum like this. But the simpler answer is a person who is truly concerned about this problem. As Psychologist I would assume that you are as well a scientist, and Occam's Razor is one of the pinnacles of science. "Given any problem, the simplest answer is most often the correct one."

I understand that past experience would give you heed. It is hard to believe that a person who has a bad urge or feeling can truly prevent from acting on them. However I will turn you to Confucius. If you drop a ball and it falls to the ground. There is no guarantee that if you drop the same ball that it won't drop straight up into the air. Past experience has no relevance in the future. You must treat every situation as if it was the first time. Even though you are wary, you must assume that I am a good man who is lost astray, not necessarily going to act upon my urges. Maybe, I could just be being honest.

- Anonymous

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I'm actually glad you are here, and hope you find benefit here. I'm just wary of claims like you have made based on my past experience with men with similar interests. You've made some very good contributions to this community so far, and you are clearly intelligent, and have been a good citizen, so that is all for the good.

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Thank You very much for your warm welcome into this particular community. I look forward to helping the people here that I can Help. I feel that my short tenure here has already helped me. On one way it made me realize how desperately I needed to change. But more importantly it gave me a more healthy outlet. A way of using my talents for social science that I have gained as a result of both my personal problems, as well as my disorders, and of course my obsession with the human condition. I feel that the more time I spend helping people here, I might be just that much closer to helping myself.

- Anonymous.

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