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Confused and Had No Help


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Hello friends,

This is an embarrassing way of saying it but, I think I got alot of issues that I felt connected to everything I have in my entire life. It's gonna be long winded, and I'm sure most of you probably knew that already.

I posted in this board because I think I find them to be most severe and had trouble finding solution to.

I'm bisexual (I like all sexes) but I got hooked with this boyfriend I know online years ago. Then we got together in the end. Generally, it was an okay loving year then it went spiraling downhill. We hardly had sex at all and I'm a pretty high sex drive person. Without anything to do with, I ended up with my own hand. It was tolerable but I get to see the tired routine in it. I love him alot but he has grown stubborn and obsessive, always talking about how he has issues with his own body and being inconfident. We ended up arguing alot more. I'm a pretty tolerant person, mind you. I believe in giving chances but things are way too much.

Being my only relationship, I felt like it's in such a huge rut. I felt like leaving him but I feel so insecure about it. I definitely care about him, but I think things move on. And more lately, I've been getting so frustrated about people talking about sex, and shamefully how women are so receptive about it. I think I've gotten to that boiling point already. I just wanna dump him and find a girl who can match my sex drive.

Definitely unreasonable way to dump someone because of sex? I can count the number of times of sex I had in the period of 3 years with him. On my two hands. Nothing I tried had changed him, either heart to heart talk, silent treatment, group discussion. Nothing, I haven't tried therapist yet because I couldn't afford any and there aren't any gay-friendly ones in Singapore. Honestly I sounded like I just wanna dump him, but I don't want to in my heart.

*Sigh* that's about what I had for my relationship. Then there's the issue of whether I should go with a guy or girl. I feel most sexually attracted to a girl but then again, it was because I never had much sex to make me feel comfortable with someone. So I tend to surf hook-up sites hoping to find somebody, then I stop. I stop doing once I realize what I was doing. I just feel that disturbed.

I have been unemployed for almost half a year. I graduated with a degree in film but the job market here is so niche and I found this job through connections. The pay, the hours, the benefits,are totally rubbish. It's underserving of me to have this kind of pay. I don't mind the workload but the long hours with no overtime. This is just sweatshop, and I felt like it's such a big bind. I didn't have time to do what I want to do most and today is only my 5th day at the job.

I felt like I dug myself in a hole so deep that I can't crawl out. I know some of them aren't even mental issues but this is just me crying out. I just don't know what to do. I felt cheated by my own self, my boyfriend and most of all my boss.

Please advise....

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