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[magical thinking]

Hi I'm new to all of this. I stumbled onto this website this morning and thought I'd ask. I'm not sure what is going on but in the last 3 weeks I've started cutting myself. The cuts started small but now they are getting bigger. They started shallow but now they are getting deeper. It seems to be getting worse everyday. The first day it was just a small cut with a paperclip, (I was just scratching myself almost not even paying attention to what my hands were doing until I looked down and saw a nice red line) Now I have taken to carring around a razor blade with me everywhere I go. Just so I can scratch myself when I need too. I am terrified that someone is going to see them and lock me up, but I get this thought in my head to do it and I just can't let go of it until. I just don't understand why I think I need to do this.

[Lie_low]

I’m sorry you are struggling with this. I have a problem with self-injury as well. You said that you just started three weeks ago. Try to get help right away so that you can work on coping with things in a better way. Sometimes it helps to distract yourself by listening to music, walking the dog, watching a funny movie or going to the mall etc. I know that the thought of someone finding out about it can be terrifying, but try to seek help from a professional before things get any worse. I did not, and I really regret it. It’s defiantly not worth it. The pain or depression can go away but the scars are there forever and living with them really sucks.

Take care,

Meredith

[Sallystern]

This is a difficult situation, I know... Having started recently, you must understand that this can escalate very quickly to more harm then you now intend. You must get help with this right away. I know it is hard to tell someone, but I would strongly suggest you speak with a psychiatrist about this. They often have an understanding of self injurers and can help you develop better coping skills. Speaking of coping, what are you coping with that has led you to self harm? It must be something very difficult that you are dealing with right now? Talking with other's such as a psychiatrist can help you deal with the underlying issues as well. You must deal with this before it gets futher out of control. You speak of fear that you are going to get locked up? I can only presume you are worried you could be hospitalized? If this is the case, when you hurt yourself are you considering suicide? I can assure you that you need not panic yourself about being "locked up". Maintaining this fear will only make matters worse. If you do speak with a doctor (AND YOU MUST), you should ask him/her out the availability of medications that can help you overcome some of the underlying issues that you are coping with. Consider that if you are dealing with the underlying issues, you may in turn be dealing with the self harm by reducing that which you are unsuccessfully coping with. If you need to talk to someone. Do not hesitate to talk to us. Be brave, speak with a doctor about this ASAP. Do not attempt to solve all your problems alone.

[Sallystern]

Hey Magical... Just checking to see how you are doing since your post. If you need to talk, don't hesitate to e-mail me at: sternsally@ymail.com

Maybe talking more about what you are going through can help. Have you considered squeezing an ice cube hard till the cold hurts to avoid cutting? It's hard to beleive it could happen to you, but with SI, people often have dangerous accidents.

[JustTrying]

Cutting is VERY addictive... SO please get some help...

JT

[magical thinking]

Thanks, I'm very confused about all of this. A few weeks ago, at my husband's insistance, I started seeing a doctor. I'm not happy about it, in fact I hate it. I hate how I feel before I go, terrified. I hate how I feel while I am there, I just want to run out of the room and never stop. I hate how I feel after I get home, like crawling into a black hole and not ever coming out. But I go each week to save our marriage. He says he can't stay if I don't get some help with some issues. It's not the Dr. per se, he is a nice enough guy I guess. It's I'm feeling forced to do this and I don't want to.

Anyway, I told him I was cutting and burning myself. He didn't seem overly worried about it. I don't know if that is part of the accepting theripist role or if it is really not a big deal. It feels like a big deal to me. I have for as long as I can remember pinched, scratched myself or dug my nails into my flesh until I bled, when I was upset. But now that I started cutting it is almost every day. If I'm not doing it I'm thinking about it. I was never like this before. The Dr. did perscribe something but I'm not willing to take it. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think, or at least I didn't think, there was really a problem until this started.

[Sallystern]

It sounds like you are now obsessing about SI... I know what you mean by hating therapy. I think that at first we all do. I always thought I should be able to solve all of my own problems until I realized I don't have all of the solutions to all of the problems. I had to have faith in others who saw and see me for who I am. Often, others see what is going on with me (not neccessarily the SI) they identify a problem before I do. Kinda like some addicted people... everyone sees the addict as being an alcoholic except for the addicted person. It sounds like your husband loves you and has found what will work to get you to a doctor. Youmust love him because you are doing it against you will. You are doing the right thing by seeing the doctor. TRUST ME... SI gets worse before it gets better unless you intervene with a doctor's help. I'm wondering what medication he prescribed? Why are you not willing to give medication a try? You say you don't know what you are going to do, but I bet you know what you have to do. You must admit that you have a problem surrender yourself to the help of the doctor. Did the doctor tell you if the med will help with your SI? If so, is there harm in trying it for 6 months to see if it does help. Some medications begin to work in as little as two weeks with some people. If you need to talk more (outside the post) don't hesitate to e-mail my address sent earlier. It is good that you are here talking about this with others who have been where you are now. Just know that there is a way through this. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! DO NOT GIVE UP!