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All my relationships are breaking


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Post divorce and after dealing with mom's chemotherapies and handling the home scene all alone - dad hasnt been much of a help at all though I dont hold it against him since he's 78 and old himself - I seem to be withdrawing completely into a shell. If I open my mouth, I end up disagreeing or arguing with everyone. The few friends and a close cousin I had, have started avoiding me. A friend had a massive fight with me because I said 'doctors are no more noble but become so commercialized'. She has doctors in her family and that probably angered her and she decided not to be my friend anymore. No regrets, in fact I am very relieved. I just do not want to interact with anyone at all.

I just take care of my mother. Since shes recovering, we had planned to go to the mall to get her out of the home scene today. We havent been out of the house other than to hospitals and I was very happy today. Just when we were about to leave, her sister called and she kept talking to her for over an hour. I got so pissed and started shouting. This angered mom and she cancelled the plans. I am so fed up of everything and everyone. My life has no meaning anymore. I hate people and dont want to keep in touch with friends or relatives. The only person I'm close to is 'mom' and she seems to be totally obsessed with talking to her sisters on the phone. No one loves me, everyone hates me. I am seriously so fed up of life that I want to end it but dont know how. :)

I should take up a job & get out of this place but I dont know if I will be able to get along with the work force. Plus I am not able to concentrate on anything. Really, is there an easy way of ending one's life without pain or trouble?

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Oh, sweetie, things are rough right now because of all you've been through, but ending life is not the answer. You've become depressed with all the pressure that has been placed on you. Depression makes you think irrationally, withdraw from others, and so much more. Have you seen a doctor or spoken with a pyschiatrist?

Just remember, this too shall pass. Things will get better, but you must take care of yourself while your caring for your mother. It's so easy for depression to consume a person's life.... put a stop to it now by taking all the right avenues..... doctors, antidepressants, psychiatrists, etc. Maybe getting a job would be a blessing in disguise. Distraction of the mind is key in winning the battle with depression. Explore your options hon, think of yourself first for a moment. Don't ever consider the above mentioned permanent action as a solution, because it's not. I pray God brings you peace.

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you really dont want the answer to that question... i know that knowing is a very big burden... you should try to get help first. try to sort through the problems. i would suggest getting help with that. a therapist perhaps. meds would be a good idea. i wish i could be on meds. they really do help alot but the meds i need are very expensive. so im tryin to work through without them. i have gotten through enough that i am not at risk at the moment. atleast i dont think i am. anyway knowing the answer to that question puts everything youve ever worked towards at risk of meaning nothing at all. thats the way i look at it. i hope you try to seek help. rather then the alternative you have chosen. as i have been down that road myself. i hope you dont stay in that state of mind for long. hope you feel better.

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Getting help from a professional is a waste of time and money!

1) Too expensive

2) They work by the clock which I absolutely detest! They count their hours and money rather than being of any significant help.

3) Being on their drugs is worst than being in depression. Why? Because I have been on those and slept for days, felt worse off than I am now with lack of coordination and feeling of hopelessness. I will never take drugs again to combat depression.

I am thinking of joining yoga but somehow the motivation is missing. I don't know what I'm living for really. A dear friend of mine enrolled me for the "Art of Living" program. I guess I will go ahead and do it though my heart is really not in it at all.

Jenna, you are right 'distraction of the mind is key to winning the battle of depression'. Only problem is, I dont know what to distract it with. Thanks for your reply though.

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Distractions come in many forms.:) Crossword puzzles, excercise, writing, working, hiking, sewing and crafts, anything that takes concentration and has the posibility of keeping your attention for long periods of time.

Getting a motivational partner is something else you may want to try. Someone who understands what depression does to a person, and won't take it personal when you snap at them without meaning to. Somebody to say "Hey I know you don't feel like going out, but you're going to anyway!"

I understand your feelings about medicines. I've been on some medications that have left me zombie like, but after trying several different meds, I was able to figure out which dose was right for me. I am extremely sensitive to medications, so what would be considered a low dose for the average person would be a major dose for me. If you're not comfortable with therapists because they aim for medicines as a "cure all" would you consider a pyschologist? Psychologist do not have the ability to perscribe meds, so they use other ways to treat depression.

I'm sorry you are feeling stressed out. If it helps to post on here, perhaps you could consider blogging. It's a great way to let out your frustrations and let your voice be heard. It has helped me tremendously.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Sensitive,

Who can blame you for your frusration and anger? It seems to me, as my opinion, that it would help you a lot to work even if you fear that you cannot concentrate. In my opinion, you need to put space between you and your parents so you can start to breath again. Right now you are suffating. I know it's easy for me to say but I'll say it anyway: your mom and dad had their lives. What about you having your life?

On a personal level, your situation hits home with me because I saw my mother sacrifice her life for her mother. And everyone who thought my grandmother did not have long to live were wrong. Whe lived to 93 and my mom died before she did. Don't let that happen to you.

In addition to a job, you really should look for a way out for you so that you can have your life back.


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Thanks for your replies, Jenna & Dr.

Allan, I wanted to ask you something. Would it help to take up a job and relocate??? Or would it be better to take up a job within the city rather than outside, in my current frame of mind? I have forgotten how to smile and I was the person whom people who look at and spontaneously smile. I think a bad marriage can kill your spirit. I made the biggest mistake of my life was getting married. The divorce should make me feel free and relaxed but it is not. Relieved yes, but not relaxed. Handling mom's illness has been an ordeal, worse than a nightmare. My one year has gone handling her, the house, hospital visits, her medications and nothing else. Its been exhausting and draining but I'm glad I could be there for her in her illness.

I'm glad she's recovering and fine now. I understood what you were saying about your mom and grandmom. I need to move on and get a life of my own. I don't know if I'm strong to have a life alone away from my parents, in my current frame of mind. Loneliness might prompt me to take drastic steps of ending my life so I would refrain from living alone at the moment. I do need to take up a job soon but the fears remain... What if I cant concentrate? What if I meet nasty people at work? I get depressed easily. All the negative thoughts keep coming... a lot of insecurity. If something happens to my parents or if I get ill, who will be there for me? I shouldn't be thinking this way but I cant help it.

Even though I opted for divorce and think its the best decision I took, I am honestly very sad. I keep thinking and blaming myself for not being able to help my ex get rid of his addictions and abusive ways. I did everything I could to keep him happy but he worsened from bad to worse. Why did he do this? I keep thinking I'm unlucky. We could have had an excellent life, had he not become what he became. I just cant let go :)

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