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Intrusive thoughts


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I was recently diagnosed with anxiety with somatization and hipochondria, got sertraline (im just a few days on it), and I was wondering are intrusive, disturbing thoughts and fears part of anxiety? Got them for long time already.

One particular fear is really hard for me to cope and gives me a lot of anxiety and panic, which is fear of suicide. I would even say it's more fear of suicide thoughts than suicide itself.

It got triggered by anything related to it: tv news, pictures, songs... It gives me tons of anxiety, im starting to think "why they killed themselves", "could i do this too?", "do i have suicide thoughts?".

Trying really hard NOT to think about it triggers it even more. I forget about it pretty easily when i start doing something else, but it's extremely hard to start anything when i have head full of "oh god, do i have suicidal thoughts?!" :(

Then, i search for reassurance till I find it, think "oh god, looks like I'm not suicidal!" and 100ton rock is falling off my chest.

It's the same feeling as other hipochondriac fears, like cancer and tumors..

I was reading suicide articles on site, but I can't relate. There's a lot about it as a way out, not fearing it like a cancer =/ I'm far from harming myself in any way, and I hope sertraline will kicks in so I can start cbt.

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