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feeling strange about everything.


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I have been taking adderall in combination with lexapro on and off for almost a year now, and i notice about halfway through (maybe every 4 months or so) i start feeling very strange and start having weird paranoia. It isn't terrible, but it tends to increase my OCD and "checking" rituals, as well as feeling constantly nervous and anxious in public. I used to just take lexapro and ativan, and I really liked that combination but it seems now that without taking my adderall, I cannot be emotionally stable. I am irrational, racing, disorganized thoughts, and feel hopeless when i do not take it. A friend suggested I start going to therapy, but now that I think about it, I don't even know what exactly is wrong? I am 21 years old and constantly feel pressure to study every day for long hours, feel too tired to make it to the gym after that, it seems that everyone is doing their own thing now, and it is the time to just work and not have fun, but it is really starting to get to me. i want to do fun things, and have more time to just relax, but i don't know how. i am scared that if i don't overwork myself that i will end up thinking too much about everything, stay in my room and go into a depression. what really scares me, is that when small things happen that shouldn't be a big deal, such as a good friend moving away, i become very upset and cannot stop feeling badly over it. it gives me this very depressed feeling all over and i feel extremely indifferent about everything. i don't know why i do this, could this also be another part of my OCD? the medication aspect is very tricky as many anti depressants and anti anxiety meds leave me feeling numb and very lazy, tired, and sedated. Thank you for any help you might have to offer!

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