Schizoaffective Disorder VS. D.I.D.

[amberlyn]

Hey guys, I haven't been on here in forever, I know. But I've had a mess happen recently and I know that I'm always welcome here to talk. So here it goes...

I've recently been put on medication for hallucinations. I was originally dx'd with Bipolar II (in 2005), although this dx has been taken off, as I haven't had a hypomanic episode in so long. So my psych currently has my dx as 'depression with psychosis' ... but we're in the process of looking into a different dx.

Let me explain a bit about the hallucinations: I've had these voices in my head for years, but never knew it was different so I never told a psych. I have three specific voices, each one with something different to say. What I mean is, one voice is purely talk of self-harm, one voice is negativity ("you're a bad person," etc.), and the female voice is positive - she helps me get things done sometimes. I don't know how long they've been there; I can remember having them for such a long time, especially the female. I don't know if this counts as a visual hallucination, but I can also see what they look like. I can visualize them in my mind... not something I created, but something that took me off guard one night as I was going to sleep. I closed my eyes and then I saw two of them; it scared the daylights out of me.

Because of these hallucinations and my struggles with depression (among other symptoms), we're looking at schizoaffective disorder as a possibility. However, I was wondering if dissociative identity disorder could also be a possibility. I have been dealing with other major symptoms that are really making me wonder about it, such as major dissociative episodes, dissociative fugues, and blackouts/losing time. I'm also trying to figure out why the Haldol I'm taking is only affecting the voices for a very short time period - although maybe I should be grateful that it's affecting the voices at all? I'm so confused by all of this .... this has all been happening for years but it is suddenly becoming a major issue and putting me in harms way. I just want some normalcy back.

Anyone have any suggestions, comments, etc? Oh, and I start counseling on the 11th. I'm planning on talking to the counselor about this at that time.

By the way, I know that in most cases of DID, the person would have no idea whatsoever until an alter came out in front of someone (typically a therapist). Please keep in mind, though, that I'm a very self-aware person. Also, I know about bit more about DID than the average person - my grandmother had it.