Walking away...

[Blondieanddagwood]

Just a quick question.

I have posted on here before with regards to my 28 yr old son.

I bought him medication the other day after a friend convinced him to go to the doctors. My son has once again been evicted and looking for cash.

I have told my son I cannot do it anymore.

I have been financially and emotionally supporting him for ten years. His father died 2.5 years go of cancer.

My son refuses to seek professional help. He asked for a referral to a psyche clinic but I can guarantee he wont go.

Is there a point when you have to just walk away? I am 47 and I am still grieving the loss of his father. I am in a new relationship but my sons mental health is slowly destroying that.

Am I horrible mother for saying.... enough is enough?

Me

[iwantkandee]

As a bi polar child myself, I can say how much it hurt when my parents walked away. I understand now that they were not able to cope, but it doesn't make it not hurt. However, I did not know I was bi polar and was never offered help. I was left to figure it out on my own and I am hated by my parents to this very day.

As a mom of bi polar children, I know you can only do so much. Even though you wish you could do more and feel guilty because you can't doesn't make you an awful mother or person. I would suggest limiting your involvement rather than walking completely away. You will be of no help to your son or yourself if you don't take breaks to refill yourself. I think you might regret cutting all ties. Creating limits might work.

[rocket]

This is such an important question -- how to move back enough to allow a relationship some space so that you don't smother yourself or your loved one, rather than simply retreating and withdrawing. Sometimes you have to reatreat/withdraw for a while because of the intensity of your emotions. But that does not have to be permanent. I tend to withdraw violently in a way that must feel like abandonment to my daughter, only because I don't heed the signs and back up when I should. I am working on this and it helps to know that others are too. Backing away does not mean you cannot say "I am backing away because I need to take some time to reflect and to give you some time to reflect too." I have always and will always love you, but things need to change. I want you to take care of yourself and do what is necessary for you to do so that you can have a satisfying life and I also wish to live a satisfying life as well, and I want our relationship to improve and grow but that can only happen if each of us take care of ourselves.

[NormKeegel]

As others have suggested, is there some way you can have limited contact with him? A friend of mine has a daughter who has chosen to live on the streets and use drugs. My friend has told her that she can visit any Wed night and have a shower and a good meal. It's keeping the door open to her without dominating my friend's life with her daughter's problems 24/7. Is there something like that you can offer, short of cutting him out of your life completely?