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Confused again.


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Fucking hell..

So I posted here a while ago, but I didn't get many replies . I know in the end it's up to me to figure it out, but I need some support.

I'm 21 and I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my sexuality/brain.

My whole life, I've always been attracted to women (and still do) . I don't get out much, I'm not in school, but when I do and I'm flirting with a girl I'll get an erection and all, and I feel the attraction so I know it's there.

However , for the past year I'd say, I've been getting urges to act on homosexual fantasies from time to time. It's on and off, but sometimes it's really strong. In reality, I don't get turned on by checking dudes out, but since I've been so confused it's been killing my confidence and making me insecure.

I want to be with a girl, and I have before. I'm still a virgin (which also fucks with me) and I've had people ask me if I was gay, which fucks with me even more because then I start to question myself. I've read about HOCD and I've definitely got a little bit of it but then, I'll be flirting with a girl or checking some girl out and I'll get aroused and it will cancel all of the insecurity out again. But then, from time to time, I'll get an urge to think about dudes, and it puts my into a confusion that lasts for weeks, over and over in my head and It kills me. I start to think that everyone thinks I'm closeted and then I feel less than zero because I truly feel like it's not true.

It's like in reality, I'm attracted to girls and I get aroused by them, but when I'm by myself or on the computer I'll get the opposite.

So I get really strong urges when it comes to women and then sometimes it's very strong for men and I don't really believe in bisexuality .

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