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Recovery...


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It has been a while since I had my last stint with... Well, you know. I feel better, I feel like I can take charge of my life, and take charge of what I do. I feel like I am on a road to recovery. So why am I worried? What do I have to be worried about?

As I have mentioned before I have a history of drug usage. I find this addiction much like my old drug addictions. And if it is truly the same, these feelings come in waves. I have not yet reached the summit of my flow, but I know it is only a matter of time before I do. First you are nervous, not sure if you can do it. Then after about two weeks, you are happy and secure, you feel like you know you can beat this thing, change yourself. Then after that feeling settles, the doubt will come again. Can I really change? Can I really stop this part of me? Then the doubt comes to a full summit. The urges come back, not only at full strength, but stronger than before. I don't want to do what I used to. I don't, I want to change, and I feel like I'm going to.

However I don't know what I'm going to do when the time comes that the urges come back. When it was drugs and I relapsed, it was unfortunate, but not horrendous. But with this... it is more than unfortunate. I don't want to relapse, and I don't think I will. But I don't know how strong it will be when it comes... I just hope I have the strength.

- Anonymous.

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