This Friendship Thing SUCKS

[AmericanPsycho]

I decided to put this topic here because RELATIONSHIP is broad term with multiple meanings.

My Therapist Miss Jennifer is young and is just getting her feet wet in this line of work. Miss Jennifer is a sweet lady and a decent Therapist but she's not a great Therapist. She thinks it's as simple as me walking up to a person and starting a conversation and I'm automatically friends with them.

The latest example is Heather that worked at Wal-Mart for a while. Now Heather always started conversations whenever I went there to buy something and she wasn't busy. When I was searching FaceBook for people that I know from Northeast Indiana I ran into her profile. I wasn't expecting to find her as I wasn't looking for her. I figured what the Hell and sent a message saying Hi. I also said if she wanted to send me a message that would be okay and if not then that's alright too. I didn't have any plans to send Heather anymore messages if she didn't send one back. What's a huge insult is that she deleted her profile. I think that was really over reacting.

[iwantkandee]

Some times we get insulted because we assume things. Maybe she was about to delete her account and this was bad timing. Maybe fb suspended her account, that will make the account vanish. Maybe she didn't recognize you and she freaked out and blocked you which would make her account vanish from your sight. Maybe she has had some bad experiences and was scared due to those and not you. Maybe it isn't as bad as you think.

Even if it is what you think, there are other people out there to meet. I understand it isn't easy. It can be worth the work though. One thing's for sure, if you don't try you will not succeed. Try to not let small failures stop you. Hope you keep trying.

[AmericanPsycho]

It's not assumption as it says the link is expired. In any case I'm sick and tired of trying. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

[Willpower]

You're absolutely right that making friends is usually hard but I think the best way to think about it is if you really want friends you risk nothing by trying. Of the numerous people I've met online and in real life only a very small number ever really chatting and enjoyed chatting with me. It's further difficult because if you really NEED friends it's near impossible to get all the support you need very quickly.

There are people I would meet that would make conversation difficult, stating this or that social behavior was 'weird'. Those are usually the MOST messed up people. They're people with so many severe problems that they are constantly angry and put down others to feel better about themselves.

There are people I would meet that simply didn't care to converse, ignored me most of the time. I'd like to say those people were selfish jerks but they were usually just people with an abundance of social attention that didn't need any more, or they were the really messed up people who were in their 'ignore' phase.

But I have found a few people that I spent entire nights talking the night away with. One is now deeply in a relationship and has money problems so we don't talk much anymore at all, but I feel that's OK now. I've finally done enough with friendships that most of the time I'm in a pretty satisfied state. Now sometimes I simply don't have the will power to engage every single person that tries to talk to me (but I try to be polite about it), some people I intentionally distance myself from to keep them from getting the wrong idea and some people I throw myself after (probably shouldn't do that, but it's hard to resist).

The point is it took me sticking my neck out, talking to complete strangers in unfamiliar settings (my best friendship ever came from this). I should still do it more to increase my chances of finding the right girl to have a relationship with, but anyways it's definitely what a person should do to find people.

[AmericanPsycho]

The point is it took me sticking my neck out, talking to complete strangers in unfamiliar settings (my best friendship ever came from this).

That's the whole thing. I have been sticking my neck out for years and years only to get my head chopped off. At some point a person has to cut their losses.

[Chameleon]

Hey Psycho,

Just like relationship is a broad term with multiple meanings, friendship can also mean a lot of different things. It isn't an on/off switch, it's a full spectrum. When your therapist recommends you go up and talk to people, I don't think she's trying to tell you the process is simple. But it has to start somewhere, and every time you do it you learn something from the experience. Even if what you learn is painful, you grow slowly. But I think you'll find it's a very big world, and everyone is a little different. Don't lose hope.

To me, you sound angry. Your forum handle, your signature and your posts all suggest that you've been hurt, you're very lonely, and you are taking that out on the people around you in subtle ways. I'm sure you don't even mean to, and maybe you don't notice it. After all, you're really looking for support and the comfort of people who understand you. But if you believe that you'll fail, you won't allow yourself to succeed. It sounds silly, but it's true.

I grew up pretty isolated, myself. I spent a decade on a computer. When I started working, I was extremely shy and had trouble relating to people who grew up in a different environment. After years of practice, lots of mistakes, and some long nights crying and wondering what I was doing wrong, I now have a much easier time making new friends. I'm still no expert, but I work on it every day. The key is to encourage them to be comfortable around you by being comfortable around them. It isn't nearly as easy as it sounds.

The people you think are good at making friends had to work on that for years. Maybe they got started earlier than you did, maybe they were born into a very social community. There are things, hobbies, topics you know extremely well that they won't know a thing about. That's the beauty of life, and people. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to, but the road is long. If you approach every pothole with an open mind and a will to succeed, you can always get back up and keep walking forward.

Yes, you have been rejected in the past. I promise you this happens to everyone sooner or later, and it always sucks, and it can leave deep scars. Yes, you still have a lot to learn. But the next time you meet someone at Walmart, greet them like you would greet a friend, with high hopes and an understanding that if things don't work out, there's someone else to meet tomorrow and you'll get better every time. The more important this is to you, the more it's going to hurt right now, and the better you'll be at it in the long term. Trust me.

[AmericanPsycho]

As far as I'm concerned it's either you are or aren't.