Crossroads

[Beyondreach]

It has been a while since I last visited MHN. It is 1:15 AM on Sunday morning and I am sitting here in my work office writing this. I am not really sure where to start, however, the last few years with my wife has been rough. We've been constantly fighting, went to a marriage therapist, and still can't seem to see eye to eye. There is next to none phsyical/emotional contact. We have two children...my oldest is an 8 year old little girl and my son is 3. Granted, we've had a hellova time with my little guy lately adding to the the stress between us, however, the gnawing anxiety of being near her is getting the best of me. How do you know when to call it quits? I can't think about the thought of living separately from my kids. They are what make my world go round. I will feel like a failure if I leave the house and my wife and I divorce. I feel so damn lost...its times like these I often think all of their lives would be better without me.

Tonight my wife and I got in an argument that escalated to the point she hit/kicked/scratched me after I got in her face and raised my voice while arguing. I did not touch her, never have, and never would. Its not that it hurt physically, however, this is the first time in our 18 years of being together she has done such a thing. I told her I should have called the police...but didn't not to embarrass her or the family...her response to me was...how would they prove it...I will show them bruises I have from playing with our son and say that they were caused by you...I couldn't believe she would say such a thing. After she did this...I told her I couldn't believe what she just did and left the house. I am no angel and have my faults like every other person...but she took this to a level I did not think we would ever reach. I wish I knew what to do and where to go. I am terrably saddened by what occured tonight.

I wish I had somebody to talk to about this...I am too proud to involve either of our parents and want to prove a point to her that what she did was wrong...despite her thoughts that she felt threatened by our yelling back and forth when I got in her face. I've would never ever raise my hand towards her...it goes against all that I believe in that I grew up in a house with a father who was both physically and mentally abusive. Of all the people in the world, she is the last person I would have thought would do this. What is it that I do to trigger so much anger in others that they feel the need to difuse an confrontation by being physical?

I am tired. I wish I knew what to do and had the correct mindset/knowledge to do what is right.

Beyondreach

[devils daughter]

Just a word of support, Beyondreach. I'm sorry the situation is so murky and difficult.

There's a movie out currently called The Descendants that shows a middle-aged man having to deal with his complex family situation. George Clooney does a great job IMHO. Maybe it would help to see somebody else having to deal with stuff, with nobody to come up with the answers but himself?