goobertron Posted March 7, 2012 Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 Hi guys, I am sorry for the frequency of my posting here but I am again in real need of peer support. Right now in my life I should be on top of the world, I have a great gf, and have just been offered a new job. Instead I am feeling at my lowest ebb and really just want to go to my bed and cry and cry and cry. I absolutely hate myself and in my eyes for good reason. In short, in my own head it feels like I have betrayed my gf and in a way it feels like I have a split personality. Part of me is a kind good natured person (or so I am told) and the other appears to be a heartless, emotionless souless person and it is this side of me that has caused the angst. In short, I have fantasized about other women and in particular one girl, who I haven't even met but very briefly chatted online (before I met my gf) and who I was friends with on Facebook. I will make this clear, that we had no contact once I was in a relationship yet because of her wearing a particular type of clothing that I find attractive on a girl I found myself fantasising about her, and the more I tried to get her out of my head the harder it was. I even had trouble deleting her from facebook as a friend today, to stop this problem happening again, why would I have such angst for Christs sake, I have never met the girl in my life!! This could also be applied to just generally walking past women in the street. It seems the more I try and not look at them, the more I do look at them and it is causing my so much pain, my guess is that all of this is linked to intrusive thoughts, though I am really not sure. My head is a real mess and the one person I would love to talk to about this is my gf, yet she is the last person I can talk to. I feel at the end of my tether and I feel I have let her down badly and part of me wants to end the relationship because she deserves better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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