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I'm female and 23. Current diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Panic Disorder Without Agoraphobia(though my therapist is thinking of changing it to Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

I'm creating this posting in hopes of finding some sort of support or better understanding. I have a lot of anxiety issues. I barely(and more often don't) feel safe in my own home which I barely leave. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know if I need to try a new psychiatric medication Dr. or what. But any thoughts on the following laundry list of fears and anxieties and how to deal with them or even a medication I can ask my Dr. about would be helpful.

I have problems with paranoia(ranging from thinking I'm being followed to swearing my partner is cheating on me though he has no reason to.), fear of men(with the sense of always being at risk of being raped, or beaten, to fear they might kill me), fear of unfamiliar people and places in general(I have stopped leaving my apartment alone altogether except for what is required by my therapy and other appointments.), I have fear of people hearing my thoughts and staring at me with malicious thoughts or or desire to do me physical harm, intense fear of the dark and bathrooms(I feel they are both danger points, although i do not believe in ghosts, demons, or monsters there is a part of me that screams they are there. I have even cried at the bathroom door when my partner locked me out and teased me by turning the light off while he was in the bathroom. Recently I have much fear in public bathrooms of being attacked and had to leave one more than once without getting to wash my hands or even "held it" till I could get home.), my auditory and visual hallucinations have gotten worse(I hear people following me but when I look no one is there, I'm seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, I hear people around me say something and when I ask them to repeat it they tell me they said nothing), my delusions are appearing more and more real(I feel like I am losing control and perspective. I feel between being able to see reason and ending up like friends and family(no blood relations) I have who have Schizophrenia. You can give them clear evidence of something but they still hold firm in the belief of their delusions being correct no matter what.), and my loss of memory has gotten much worse over the last 7 months(I'm losing whole conversations, situations, and things told to me. I have a hard time in conversations because words or train of thought will just disappear on me. Just last night I was bawling over swearing a whole year just disappeared because I got time lines mixed up and was sure of my facts, also last night I was even beginning to get thoughts that i have to be right and any evidence that might be presented to me would be wrong.), also I've been having increasing agitation with loud noises, be it a bus engine being louder than I want, music from neighbors pounding, or a person doing repetitive tapping. I've been also having a huge identity crisis and loss of who I am over the past couple years.

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Enoch, I am so sorry to hear about everything going on with you. It does sound overwhelming and without an anchor.

For what it’s worth, with what you have written here and in the New Members section, your reason does seem to be intact. You couldn’t have written such complete descriptions if it weren’t. So maybe the schizophrenia possibility has been set aside?

The anxiety and identity crisis I can definitely relate to. Ten years ago I fell apart. When the personality breaks down it is unbelievably awful. Maybe they should put “nervous breakdown” in the DSM? I had tried but did not find effective help before I broke down so I didn’t trust the system afterward. I went to an in-person support group for a year before I tried therapy again. Current diagnosis is major depression, DDNOS, and PDNOS. If I had gone when I was at my worst, then my diagnoses would likely have been more like yours.

It can get better. It takes time. For me, social support HAS been critical in allowing me to get better. Do you have any in-person support groups that you could go to, too?

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I do not know of any support groups in my area but could try talking to my therapist if she can help me find some. But my biggest problem is being able to leave my home to go to it. I can only walk or take the bus and being in an enclosed space with people i have never met before is very nerve racking and often causes panic attacks. Unfortunately my doctor has decided on not wanting to give me any medication to stop my panic attacks.

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