ryan2011 Posted March 12, 2012 Report Share Posted March 12, 2012 Well I’m 19 soon to be 20. After elementary school I never socialized with my friends out side of school. I just never had the desire to play with them. When I was a freshman in high school my parents divorced and my dad moved to New York while I stayed in California with my mom and sister. After my freshman year I started home schooling because I had never liked school and cut off all communication with my friends. I liked this a lot and I actually did really well. I graduated with a 3.9 gpa but never applied to any colleges. To me college never sounded like fun or worth my time. I look at my parents who are both doctors but they are both struggling to make ends meet and are not happy with their lives. So what’s the point? It’s not like I have a passion for anything either. I don’t like people, I don’t like socializing, I hate doing/learning things that don’t interest me or have any value on daily life (trigonometry). I’m depressed and hate my life but I don’t want to change anything. I went to see a therapist once a week for about 3 months than quit because things just got worse. I only work Mondays at an accountants house and the only other time I leave the house is to go running. Needles to say I currently don’t have friends and I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I don’t even know if I want them. I’m extremely self conscious and have low self esteem. Whenever I am in public I feel like everyone is judging me. For some reason I feel inferior to everyone else. I have had acne since I was 15 and I’m currently on accutane. Having acne certainly has made me more self conscious and I have sensitive skin that turns red and hot very easily. I just don’t see the point of life. Go to school, go to college, get a job, work 40+ hours a week paying off student loans, get married, have kids, get divorced, pay child support, retire, then die. Then you make your children go through the same crappy so-called life you just went through. It doesn’t make sense. Why go through all of that when you could die now instead of 60 years from now. I haven’t spoken or socialized with anyone outside my immediate family or employer in years. I even skipped my grandfathers funeral because I didn’t want to see my cousins. I also don’t seem to have the same range of emotions that most people do. I laugh at inappropriate times, can’t say “I Love You” to anyone, or even happy birthday. I feel like I’m missing something or there is something wrong with me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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