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Lack of interest


confused12
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  • 2 weeks later...

It's not a good sign for me and my problem that no one has responded to your post by now.

However, I will tell you that if that is truly how you feel, do tell your husband. However, make sure you tell him in a way that he knows it isn't his fault, assuming it isn't.

Also, I'm curious to know if you have ever considered that you could change your mind? If you are at a state where you know for a fact that you'll never change your mind, then you might as well separate, assuming he is a sexual creature. Why? Because you are lying to him, over and over again.

Or is it just because your husband doesn't know how to please you and you won't tell him or are ashamed to say so? If so, that's a lame reason.

But then now you can see why I'm not a therapist.

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I am not interested in sex or intimacy at all. How do I explain this to my husband of 8 years? I have tried to go along with the whole sex thing but I can't anymore. I can't deal with the 'after emotional effects'. Is it harmful to keep pushing myself into it when it is clear to me I don't want to be engaged in intimacy (including holding hands)?

Yes it is harmful in my opinion as you've reffered to after emotional effects that you can't deal with anymore.

If you don't feel like being intimate with your husband, at least physically, then I think it should be talked about rather than not talked about. I doubt your husband would want you to have sex with him if you don't want to. Being a husband isn't about having sex so I don't think getting a divorce is required or helpful for either of you at this point.

Do you have any interest in having any kind of relationship with your husband? ... If so then I reckon you probably are interested in intimacy that isn't physcially expressed. You could both build on that for now.

Professional advice might also be helpful at some point. Theres always options to explore for problems.

Later :o

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I find when I feel that way.. that it is a lack of intamacy ( although you said you do not want that either) If i do not feel Loved... or safe. I want to be left alone. Been married 20 yrs and it seems to go through Phases... Try to talk to him if you can. But you never know next week you may feel diffrent...

JT

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Sex is one kind of intimacy but in a marriage there are others that are equally as important. And one way or another, it is the intimacy that keeps a marriage viable. So - I think it is pretty important that you share with your husband how you are feeling. maybe if you think this will be a transient feeling, you don't need to scare him with something that seems like a big deal but maybe isn't. but if this is a long standing feeling (whether part of a depression or not), and it is stable, then I think it best to talk about it. Who knows, he may be okay with this, or not. But at least if you talk with him, you are working to preserve an emotional intimacy and trust that will also wither if you keep things to yourself.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Confused12,

I think there is another thing you should consider. Is the lack of need for sex something you have felt only lately, or is it simply the way you are and you've never been much interested in sex? If it is a sudden loss of sexual interests, it could implicate a health problem. If this is the case, be sure to see a physician about possible hormone disbalances or other problems. That is not saying it can't be psychological, but it's always best to be sure. I've had no interest in sex for all my life and still I am planning to see a doctor about it. You know.. Psychological solutions are unlikely to help if there is a physical condition behind the problem.

Wish you well..

Rob

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