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Not sure what to do.......


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My husband and I are separated. He's been visiting BDSM sites and has found a female to do this with. He says he's bisexual, and has numerous affairs with both men and women over the years. I'm worred about his latest behavior. He's always wanted me to call him daddy in bed and I recently found out that he's visited or registered on several "daddy dom" sites. I'm worried about his relationship with the children - we both have children from previsous marriages, but none together.

He told me he was sexually abused as a child, but neither his parents or his siblings know anything about it. We were married for 16 years, and just now tells me this.

He has also told me he refuses to wear condoms when having sex. I know he's engaged to his girlfriend, but he still posts on different sites for men and women sex partners. He's been several times to the local swingers club also.

I'm scared of what this will do to our children. I don't know if he harbors any sexual fantasy about the girls, but he has mad comments to me in the past about them. I thought about going to the police, but he's knows too many of them. He has a job in the public sector and would be able to talk his way out of anything that would be done.

He does show suicidal tendicies at times, I found him about a year ago with a loaded gun to his head. He managed to talk his way out of that one when I called the police.

What can I do to help him? I still love him, but I know our relationship cannot be salvaged. I think my main concern are the children.....I'm worried that he may try to do something with them. I'm also worried about child porn as one of my sons said he was looking at child porn.

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I agree the main concern should be the children... I would NOT leave them alone around him... I realize you can only control the visits with your kids if they visit.... And he may see you as Bitch but I would tell the mother of his kids ... something.... I am not sure how much I would tell her but some way I would give her a heads up....

As far as the BDSM... and the Swinger's Clubs... been there done that... Not so much that I wanted too.. but this Man I was in "LOVE" with was into that... So amazing I did not get aids.. he was bi sexual... He was also an abuser and a NUT... but that is beside the point...

I still like BDSM... but with my husband... and not so much lately... but that is another story...

Back to the fellow I lived with that liked and introduced me to that stuff.... I was with him for 2 hell filled years.. at first it was great.. but he was so jealous.. would make me do things and then get mad about them.. ( like I said NUT!) But anyway... after I left him... we use to keep my niece and nephew... well when I left I told my sister to not bring the kids over there... she was in the throws of "LOVE" and was running the bars at the time and she brought them over anyway... My Niece later came to me .. I think she was 12 and told me that NUT CASE had had sex with her one night when he was drunk ( when wasn't he??) HE denies it to this day.. tells me that they were our kids and he would never do such a thing... NOW I was 17 when I got with him... he was 38....

According to my Niece she has been molested and raped over 50 times... so I do not know what to believe. I think she was molested .. told.. liked the attention and made some of it up... some of it may be true.. I would never tell her that though... because you should always believe the victim and investigate... There is one man still in jail because she accused him.. I do not know If that man did or not... But like I said I will always try to be on her side.

BUT THE NUT is alive and well... still calls me.. thinks he OWNS me!!! Yeah right!:)

As far as helping your ex.... what do you want to help him with? The depression? The Kinky sex ideas he has? It is possible to stop that stuff and have a "normal" life.. but if his Gfriend is into it... that ain't gonna happen. The Child porn... would be a concern to me... I WOULD NOT LET MY KIDS ALONE AROUND HIM!!!

You are in a bind .. if you live in a small town and he is IN with the law... nothing will be done.... there are a lot of people in office and deacons at churches that have these kinks...

Childhood molestation leaves you open to predators... and preditors are what these people are... the ones that post and sleep with strangers... they are all trying to fulfill a need.

The Daddy thing... well I call hubs Daddy sometimes.. but it does not mean I am attracted to my dad... it is more of a PET name... Usually when I am in a bind I tell whoever .. forget it I want my Daddy.... Course hubs is 15 yr older than me -- what can I say .. I like older men...

DID you tell him your son knows he is looking at child porn??? The kid should have never known that... Of course I also think that is wrong.. I guess what I am trying to say with all this babbling... is you are right to be concerned about the kids... I would break ties with him.. but I know that is hard,.... I still talk to my ex and I have been married to someone else for 20 yrs....


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Guest ASchwartz

Hi JT and Confused,

I agree with JT. By the way, Confused, I assume you and your Ex are divorced. Is there joint custody of the children? Anyway, what I am getting at is that you can take him back to court if you have any proof of his risking the kids in anyway. Even the fact that your son knows that he goes to those sites is very unhealthy. In a divorce arrangement, it is always possible to return to court, especially where children are concerned. You can also call the child protection service where you live and complain about him.

Obvioiusly, this is serious stuff.


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Allen .. they have no kids together... she has kids .. he has kids... but she may not be able to fix him.... but she can make sure the kids are safe.. at least hers... what she can do about his is limited....

16 yrs is a long time to be married now a days.... I am sure she loves and cares about him.. but does not like his behavior....

Do what you KNOW needs to be done....


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