My SZ Experience

[Solara]

Where do I begin about my diagnosis with Schizophrenia? Very blurry beginnings there. It started back in the spring of this year, 2008.

I was hearing voices, bad ones, telling me to do bad things, and when I refused to do those bad things they told me to kill myself or some such thing bad for me, though not towards others. I was also paranoid that people were out to get me, more than just against me, like sometimes happens in normal life anyway, but that they were planning to hurt me and I didn't know who they were, perhaps more flashback than paranoia??? (I was abducted back in 2000 and tortured, long story) I can't remember details lately so it's hard for me to retell my experiences and symptoms, but it's all on medical records.

I am on Seroquel now, though originally I was put on Resperidal which I became allergic to, had a reaction allergically to. So I tried Abilify next and that was horrid... made me feel like a walking zombie, no wants, desires, little feelings, though I was functional at work. I quit that cold turkey after one week which my shrink didn't like but it was too awful to stay on it.

Then of course I had a relapse of symptoms during the summer till I was given the Seroquel in August. I can't even describe my behavior, which seems to be getting treated as a separate issue. But the medication I'm now on does help with anxiety and sleep, which are problems for me. I'm still having some paranoia, and inflated ideas which make no sense, such as believing that I can send my thoughts to others and control them or events that happen to them without being present, just thinking of what I want to have happen, mostly dark thoughts, naturally, which I've never told anyone till right this very minute. I sometimes think I can control the weather, etc.. I have unusual beliefs which have become inflated at times.

Now, of course with the meds I don't think I can control the weather though that is an entertaining idea, nothing more.

I do have the belief that I can remote view things and people and I have friends who hold similar ideas in their lives, so I can't totally discount this idea. It has some validity believe it or don't. I don't care. I am also clairvoyant at random moments. That is another topic, though. I think there really is some connection to the realms of psychic power and people who become schizophrenic, etc.. that we are more likely than the rest of the population to have psychic abilities.

[Moley8]

Wow, it sounds like you've been on a long journey. I speak through my sons experiences not through my own. He is 9 and has p. schiz. and aspergers. He has many similar experiences.

What is your abduction story? I'm just curious b/c my son has one involving aliens. He has a fear they have installed a chip to track him. He also has some notions of reading minds. The funny thing is sometimes he's very accurate. I think there may be a fuzzy line between reality and things we cannot see. I let him toy with these notions when he is not putting others or himself in harms way. He's been hearing comments like "earthling streatch out you leg so we can measure it.." Then he hears loud screaming in his ears. He frazzles quickly but has learned to lie about it for fear of more hospitols.

I don't know if my son is experiencing things I just don't understand or if he what he needs from me. I do know that anything is possible. My husband have tried conventional med. and also a spiritual healer. We're back to convential methods as we've had no luck elsewhere.

When you're feeling extreme paranoia how do you get out of it? He wears burglar gear to bed so he's prepared (b/c he sees people on the roof). I usually give him a sedative but I'd love to be able to rationalize him out of it naturally.

Well good luck to you, you seem clear and honest, keep opening up it's feeing and some of us need to understand to help ourselves and others.

thanks

moley8

[Solara]

The abduction story is not a story, it is something that actually happened. I won't talk about that here as it tends to trigger ptsd, which I also have. Sorry.

Your son is young and many kids believe things that aren't real like Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc.. These are harmless, but your son seems to have lots of additional stories he believes in that aren't supported by normal social outlets. I'm not like that myself. My journey, such as it is, is complicated by real happenings that have been very traumatic. So some of my issues aren't fake.

I was only diagnosed with schizophrenia recently and I'm 50 years old. There is no way for me to find out if I'm just crazy or had this problem all my life. I doubt the latter and my mother doesn't believe my diagnosis. So I'm in a precarious situation family wise. I need support but can't truly get it. Too many of her friends are sticking their unwanted noses into this. Long story there. Ahem.

When I feel paranoid I don't have an escape route like your son does. It only happened once so I don't know how to deal with it in an imaginative way. I'm feeling pretty normal lately. I guess what I did at the time was just freak out and act weird, not really coping with it at all, just not being able to sleep at all, so now I'm on meds for anxiety. That's all. I don't really remember much of what happened during that episode of my condition, I have memory problems when I'm stressed so that helps nothing. *sighs* Getting older helps nothing either.

[Moley8]

I realized later it sounded like I thought your abduction was a delusion...that isn't what I meant at all, I apologize it sounded that way, it was just so in my case.

Schizophrenia is so much more than adult "Positive" symptoms in my son, it is a true disability almost a scrambling of his mind and speech with loss of movement skills. You seem like a really cool woman, and believe me I know about nosey pushy relatives and friends!!!!!!! Day to day it's hands down one of the hardest things I call it my codependent recovery challenge because there comes a point I must stop defending my husbands and my choices for his care and treatment and say...whoever is left with us at the end it who we have.

Take care

[Solara]

honestly, I don't think you can relate to me or your son. we are in a world of our own that we didn't ask for or make. no offense taken or given, it's just a fact that people who don't have mental health conditions themselves can rarely truly relate to.

peace out

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Solara and Moley8,

Solara, it is unusual for someone to be diagnosed with schizophrenia so late in life, although, it does happen and you are one example. Was there a precipitating problem that set off your symptoms? It is possible for a person to have the hidden potential for an illness but not have it emerge unless something extremely upsetting occurs. Also, Solara, are you in psychotherapy, to get added support, or just medication?

Moley8, unfortunately there are children who develop schizophrenia and your son is one of them. It appears that you and your husband are having problems with this, and of course, that is understandable. Is your son getting psychiatric and psychological treatment? What type of treatment and medication and how are you coping? Are you and your husband in family therapy to help you learn how to cope with and help your son?

Allan

[Solara]

Hi Allen,

I am in therapy and meds both. Mostly the seroquel but have started therapy again after an absentia period when I couldn't afford it. When I can I do so.

I don't know if there was a precipitating event that caused this, perhaps the herpes I mentioned on another thread? It can cause encephalitis of the brain. I can't get my doctors to agree this has happened however. I can't afford to see them every time I have something going on medically... sighs. I had a concussion 2 yrs back and a car accident which left my whiplashed on my entire left side so that could have done something may hap???? Doctors dont listen to me lately so.... I"m stumped.

Thanks for your comment.

[Moley8]

Allen,

Yes, we have a therapist that works in the home and with the autism we've been working with numerous people through out the years.

He takes Vyvanse (adhd) rispidol, lamictol sp? and clonidine as needed.

We see huge improvements on stimulants and some on the anitpsy.

I think we as a couple struggle b/c we're fixers and we can not fix...the autism groups and therapists tell us maybe it's only that and then we have trouble with acceptance. One facility diagnosed ADHD sensory integration and GAD, we threw a barbeque! Our hope is adorable but is quickly deflated.

Solara is probably right I don't really fit and I'm sure I can't identify there has been no mental illness around me til now. I also don't fit with my local autism group either. (and from what I here there isn't a huge group of COS parents out there either.

We're survivors, I'll find my support and faith.

Thank you for inquiring.

moley8

[Solara]

I really don't like sharing my posts with others.. this is my topic and I started it.. so please don't double post to it not make off topic comments... Thank You. (well this is how I feel *shrugs*) I've been moderating for years online on other sites and they share this idea in common. Its supposed to be about my experience only, sheesh. No offense Moley8.

Maybe I Should become a Moderator! Eh, Allen??

[sharon]

:)i have been posting for a short time, and my son has bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. i am looking for support and understanding and i was drawn to your story. my son has had bizarre thoughts and alot of confusion. he has been manic for a long time now and i am trying to help as much as i can. i can use some advice and up to listening. pls help me in any way you can. my heart has been broken for i fear he is slipping away from me. he is my heart. god bless you and you are a wonderful person to be connected to this website to give people like me a undertanding we are so desperately trying to have and are looking for. my son will be 30 this july and i am 58. i will tell you as i have told him---you are a beautiful soul with a warm heart. with love, sharon

[JustTrying]

To me seroquil is the best. I can't ( or won't) take it though because of one of the side effects... weight gain. But if there was a good drug for people like us ... it is seroquil... I just have a thing about the weight... My mother was obese.....

I am glad it is working for you. It worked for me too. Bipolar/ SCizo myself... PTSD.. etc.... blah blah blah!

To me the way I am does not bother me most of the time. Just the depression. but it bothers "others"

JT

[nancyannee]

Where do I begin about my diagnosis with Schizophrenia? Very blurry beginnings there. It started back in the spring of this year, 2008.

I was hearing voices, bad ones, telling me to do bad things, and when I refused to do those bad things they told me to kill myself or some such thing bad for me, though not towards others. I was also paranoid that people were out to get me, more than just against me, like sometimes happens in normal life anyway, but that they were planning to hurt me and I didn't know who they were, perhaps more flashback than paranoia??? (I was abducted back in 2000 and tortured, long story) I can't remember details lately so it's hard for me to retell my experiences and symptoms, but it's all on medical records.

I am on Seroquel now, though originally I was put on Resperidal which I became allergic to, had a reaction allergically to. So I tried Abilify next and that was horrid... made me feel like a walking zombie, no wants, desires, little feelings, though I was functional at work. I quit that cold turkey after one week which my shrink didn't like but it was too awful to stay on it.

Then of course I had a relapse of symptoms during the summer till I was given the Seroquel in August. I can't even describe my behavior, which seems to be getting treated as a separate issue. But the medication I'm now on does help with anxiety and sleep, which are problems for me. I'm still having some paranoia, and inflated ideas which make no sense, such as believing that I can send my thoughts to others and control them or events that happen to them without being present, just thinking of what I want to have happen, mostly dark thoughts, naturally, which I've never told anyone till right this very minute. I sometimes think I can control the weather, etc.. I have unusual beliefs which have become inflated at times.

Now, of course with the meds I don't think I can control the weather though that is an entertaining idea, nothing more.

I do have the belief that I can remote view things and people and I have friends who hold similar ideas in their lives, so I can't totally discount this idea. It has some validity believe it or don't. I don't care. I am also clairvoyant at random moments. That is another topic, though. I think there really is some connection to the realms of psychic power and people who become schizophrenic, etc.. that we are more likely than the rest of the population to have psychic abilities.

Solara, so many of the things you said hit right at home. Many of the things you describe is something I have lived with my WHOLE life. I have been on medication several times in my life and for the most part, I never stopped believing...especially about the paranormal. So much exists in this life the many don't realize.

Solara, do you have a hard time going to the doctor? Have you always gone to one? I have found this site and have started to participate in order to find the courage to actually go back to the doctor.

nancy:)

[JustTrying]

Welcome to my world..........

JT (aka Gabs)

[Solara]

:)i have been posting for a short time, and my son has bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. i am looking for support and understanding and i was drawn to your story. my son has had bizarre thoughts and alot of confusion. he has been manic for a long time now and i am trying to help as much as i can. i can use some advice and up to listening. pls help me in any way you can. my heart has been broken for i fear he is slipping away from me. he is my heart. god bless you and you are a wonderful person to be connected to this website to give people like me a undertanding we are so desperately trying to have and are looking for. my son will be 30 this july and i am 58. i will tell you as i have told him---you are a beautiful soul with a warm heart. with love, sharon

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your thoughts. I know it must be hard to have to take care of someone like this. If I were a child it would be hard on my parents I'm sure. But I'm not. I'm an adult and have to care for myself because nobody else can or will. It's very scary for me at times. I can imagine how helpless it makes you feel as well, not knowing what's going on inside your sons head. I hope anything I've said or related on site does help you somehow. God bless you both.

[sharon]

t for your kind words. my son is in the hospital now and on new meds. we are hoping to get in to programs in order to help himself and be more responsible for himself, afterall, we are not going to be around forever to care for him. wish me luck and i will follow your threads. you have been so kind to write me back. god bless you. sharon