Not sure where I should put this, there didn't seem to be an area where it would fit.

[TransformationDisease]

My gender issues didn't seem to fit in any other area so I thought I'd try posting them here. (If I need to move this just let me know and I will.)

It really kinda started when I was 12 or 13. I was starting to feel, for lack of a better word, trapped in my gender and the roles that came along with it. I was born a girl but never really felt all that girly. I did play with dolls, but my uncle often got onto me because I wasn't playing the 'right' way. Instead of dressing them up and playing mommy/mother/doctor or whatever the other normal girls played, I played games like 'Polly Pocket and John go on vacation and end up being sacrificed to a giant monster by the cannibalistic natives.' (Yeah, I was a weird kid.) When I turned 12 I learned about the internet, I had two Myspace pages one for "Emilee" and one for "Edgar" (I went through a few name changes before settling on Owen.) Soon I was spending more time on my made up male persona then my real female one, I was starting the have more and more dreams that I was male. I didn't really question it, I thought it was a normal part of puberty. As time past I started noticing that no one else was even thinking like that, it soon became the joke of our group that someday I was going to pop into a school reunion after having a sex change operation. So I just stopped bringing it up, I started shaving (or trying to) and putting on make-up (or trying to) but it never felt real to me. I withdrew into my drawing and story writing where I could be, and was, male. I still have a few pictures I drew when I was that age, one with me doing my best to draw a naked female (physical me) staring into a mirror where I did my best to draw a naked male (also me, inside me or whatever you want to call it) with the word "Which is real" under it. I was finally able to put a kind of word to it when I turned 15, that word was 'transgender.' I ruminated intensely on this word for weeks and weeks until I finally got up the guts to talk to my mom about it. A year later I went to a mental hospital for suicidal thoughts and self harm. (I was a burner.) That's when I was put into the therapy program I am still in today., and where my therapist diagnosed me with Gender Confusion until he was sure that it wasn't some other issue causing my desire to change my gender.

So that's basically the jist of my gender issues.

[CantGiveItAway]

I find it interesting that you chose that name for yourself... Is that how you feel, like its a "disease"? If others made you feel that way, I would say they were wrong. I know its not something easy to answer. Personally, I wouldnt put to much weight in any labels you may recieve. Although some find them beneficial.

Have you ever talked with or experienced others in similiar situations? That might help clear up some uncertancies you have and help find what is true for you... It could be a great thing for yourself, and a way of coming into your own. Or you may find that you just have some what is considered "masculine traits".

If it makes you a happier person on the inside, I would say its a good thing!