On the verge of giving up, intrusive thoughts taking over

[goobertron]

Hi all,

As the title suggests I am suffering more and more from intrusive thoughts and it has got to the stage where they are completely dominating my live, to the extent where I don't know what are my genuine thoughts or intrusive ones. It also is leaving me with a feeling that I am developing a mild form of schizophenia. I feel as if I have a constant internal battle going on with 2 different sides of me. The biggest reason for posting this is that I feel I have let my girlfriend down in a big way. She has been fantastic to me and yet part of me lets her down constantly. Perhaps I am actually not letting her down but I will try and put my thoughts down and leave it for others to judge and advise. When I am around other females, some of whom I barely know, whether it be in a workplace situation or a social situation I feel like being nice to them and sociable and wanting to be physically close to them, i.e standing next to them or at least be near them. Why the hell would I want to do that when I am in a relationship with a fantastic girl. Am I developing into some form of sex pest in years to come, or am I going to be a serial cheater. Whatever the case I feel absolutely awful because the disciplined/normal part of my head is completely appalled at the lack of respect I appear to be showing my girlfriend and it is leaving me with strong feelings of guilt. I haven't at any point cheated on my gf and I don't think I ever would. I know I have only typed think there but I have so many strong doubts about a lot of things I don't know what to think. My head is in a mess and part of me is thinking about breaking up with my gf to try and give my head time to settle. I am constantly battling intrusive thoughts as well as "catastrophising" and this is leaving me emotionally drained. I would love to talk to my gf about these thoughts etc but I fear they would cause more distress.

[frazzled1]

It seems as though you worry a lot about worrying. Do you really think that your intrusive thoughts would go if you had no one? I think that may make you lonely and make things worse with intrusive thoughts of self doubt. I know it's hard goob but try not to give up it's worse than losing. At least with losing you know.

Is this the same girl from a month or so ago? You seemed so happy with her. Are you perhaps feeling inadequate? like you don't deserve her. You write like a great guy I can't imagine why you would think you don't deserve to be happy with someone who cares about you. Maybe posting some positive affirmations in your home here and there might help.

I am sorry you are so down I wish I could be more help.

Take care of yourself.

[goobertron]

Thanks Frazz, I think the intrusive thoughts would definitely lessen because when I am in a relationship I create such restrictive barriers in my own head and obviously this barries arent there when I am single. It is the same girl from a month ago yes, and she is a great girl and I don't know why part of my head would act this way. Its sucking all my emotional energy.

[frazzled1]

Maybe there is some part of you that would deny you the finer things in life such as a loving relationship. So you know where these thoughts come from I mean do they have a bases in reality? Have you ever cheated or done someone wrong or perhaps been associated with someone else who has?

[goobertron]

I have cheated once before, well a kiss on the lips, so whilst it was cheating, not the full on sex cheat. I guess in my head I have previous

[frazzled1]

Do you think that might be it? It can be hurtful to one's self as well as to those we care about to behave in anyway outside of the expected norm but do you know what caused you to kiss someone outside the relationship you were in? This could be important to assist in controlling those intrusive thoughts.

[devils daughter]

I am suffering more and more from intrusive thoughts and it has got to the stage where they are completely dominating my live, to the extent where I don't know what are my genuine thoughts or intrusive ones. It also is leaving me with a feeling that I am developing a mild form of schizophenia. I feel as if I have a constant internal battle going on with 2 different sides of me.

Why do you think this is symptomatic of schizophrenia? According to personality disorder theorist Theodore Millon, the good guy/ bad guy split is characteristic of something I am very familiar with – Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Not that I’m suggesting that would apply to you – just that there are other underlying conditions that could result in the intrusive thoughts and guilt feelings that are bothering you.

The key point is that they are bothering you. I looked at some of your earlier posts and I saw that you were taking citalopram, but are you seeing, or have you considered consulting, a therapist? I’ve had a lot of bad luck with them before I finally found someone who could help so I’m not necessarily suggesting that would help you. But if you want some better understanding of yourself and some reasons why you’re experiencing the intrusive thoughts and interests in other women, it seems like it might be worthwhile to try to find a professional who might help you find an explanation? For understanding and peace of mind if nothing else?

[xshutterbugx]

I am in the same boat. I am in a great relationship, but I am thinking about a guy who's about to get married and I barely know him. Maybe its our subconscious telling us we are missing something. I don't know. So confused.