Not sure what I have

[Solara]

Ok, I started a thread but now decided that it wasn't really describing things right so I'm starting over here.

First of all I live with an incurable std and my marriage is now sexless as a result. So, now comes an old issue cropping up it's ugly head again because I can't get any and am resorting to strange habits of interacting with people that I can't relate very well to you all.

All I can say is I'm told that mimicking people is sometimes a part of schizophrenia but not usually, so, I'm thinking it's just me, my creative way of getting sexually gratified. So does this qualify me as a paraphiliac? I know I don't fit the usual type of this issue. I have no fetishes or perversions towards children or random people or objects. If I like someone it sometimes happens that I imitate them, sometimes with sexual feelings being incurred and sometimes not.

I have some measure of self control there since I started medication. I used to have normal self control before my recent diagnosis but my brain has been assaulted literally from being beat up over this issue or some other thing, apparently, though I have no proof who did it and left me in a hallway with a major concussion 2 years ago, and I went to work that day in spite of this injury. Then took off 6 months on medical leave. More to the story but am reluctant to relate due to this being a public site.

My other fear is that now I have herpes type 2 which has gotten into the oral area too which may be affecting my brain in some way? Perhaps causing this sz I now have. I've stated this to my doctors but they flatly say it's impossible even though my research has led me to find out that herpes can cause encephalitis of the brain! So nobody is being terribly supportive at home and my resources are limited to say the least. I'm not stupid and this is prolly off topic by now, sorry.

:confused:

[Guest ASchwartz]

Solara,

Other than herpes, what STD do you have and what is going on with your marriage?

Allan

[Solara]

None, my husband is clean and I only have one std and that is incurable. :/ As for my marriage, I have been naughty and hubby is barely tolerating me and my std. I've been good for about several years now but... last year came down with the herpes and have been forced to become celibate as a result but it's driving me mad. I took Valtrex for a year and now am outbreak free for more than 6 months. He still refuses to have sex with me.

But that is not my biggest problems. I fear I am paraphiliac too. If you read the part about me miming people you'd understand perhaps. When I said I'm not sure what I have I meant the paraphilia not the std.

Edited November 24, 2008 by Solara
additional commentary

[Mark]

Is there another thread where you describe this miming more? I'm not sure what that might entail, but my philosphy is more or less, whatever consenting adults (or adult in this case) want to do that isn't abusive is okay. So maybe it's odd but then what if it is?

Some people seek a diagnostic label so as to better understand what is happening to them. Others are motivated to better see themselves as "ill". I can appreciate both motives, but I'm hoping that you aren't looking to shame yourself for what might be completely innocuous even if it is odd.

Mark