X_isle Posted April 29, 2012 Report Share Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) ((Do note, that I first posted this in the "new members post here" section, but since that has very little views, I though I would get a higher variety of feedback posting here. Any opinion is appreciated))Mostly I'm just wondering if i'm overacting..because it seems like, compared to most people, I have a pretty nice life, However my emotions tell me differently. my main problem is that I don't really have a father figure in my life. Never really did. Although as a kid my dad was involved in my life. He caused almost all of the problems that caused the divorce. Regardless, I don't talk to him that much..So I found that I could use my youth pastor as a father figure, I Hangout with him sometimes..although it's hard to do since i am an extreme introvert and he is extremely extroverted. I'm not suffering too much in my daily life..besides the occasional "can't get to bed" , like today. I get almost straight A's..I'm in Gifted classes..And overall think things are ok, but very often i'll have an overwhelming amount of emotion, that I can only describe as either emptiness or overwhelming want. I mean, When I see a (good) dad with his son, either sitting in church or doing what ever, my heart aches, And I long for that. Al though i hang out with my youth pastor, our "hanging out" will mostly be just playing a video game and including very little talking..if there is anytime with talking..I usually can't keep a conversation going..due to my lack of social skills. I find myself day dreaming about being a little kid and just running up to my youth pastor because i'm scared of something or just want to be hugged by my dad. I yearn to see how your suppose to treat a wife and try to emulate him in almost every way possible. It just seems like "It's not enough" <- That is where i have the problem..I feel I have a lot compared to somepeople and complain that it isn't enough..I mean what if i'm asking for is impossible..most of it probably is. For example i could never be his child. He already has 3 infants, He doesn't have the time or physical ability to be my actual father. I just..Idk..I know i have a lot of insecurities,and when I spend a lot of time with him, they just all go away. Maybe part of it is, is that I know that no matter how close I get to him..He's a youth pastor, with children of his own..I'll never occupy a part of his life that would be equivalent to the part he will occupy in mine. Even if It were to be a perfect father figure relationship...He, being a pastor, will probably have many more people do the same to him..And human nature states that he's ganna pick a favorite..And me being unsocial..How do i stand a chance for that position? Even if I did. He has sons of his own..It's completely understandable, and completely expected...And what i'm asking is most likely too much. But he's the most important person in my life, and He's never ganna love me as much as he loves his own children, but I sure love him more than I do my own dad. Idk...I just ...don't know..I usually have things figured out..This is like..trying to divide by 0..It just doesn't work.. :/I'm just wondering if you all think I am overreacting. Am I justified in my feelings, or is this something that I just need to learn to accept as fact. Also What do you think I can do to help? Talk to my youth pastor, don't talk to him, etcWell, Feel free to leave a reponse on your opinon/helpful comment. Any Help is Appreciated , ThanksPlease, I know this seems pretty mundane, but It is causing me a lot of emotional grief. Edited April 30, 2012 by X_isle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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