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ROCD or Male Chauvenism?


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Hi everyone, again I'm looking for constructive criticism and advice, my mental problems have been well documented on here but I'm really in turmoil re my current relationship, and I really don't know whether I am turning into a male chauvinist pig, or my OCD is getting worse or whether something else is effecting me. I have had been a very regular masturbator since my teens and it started as a way of coping with destressing after bullying, now it's just a habit before going to bed. The reason I mention this is it may be a factor in why I am feeling the way I do. As I have mentioned in a previous thread, despite the fact I have been going out with my current gf for about 5 months and on the surface we have been v good, only my head is constantly thinking otherwise. She is more into me than I her and already is using the line I love you to which I know it's a sin when you are unsure but I have been responding with I love you back. Now I shall delve into the problems my head is giving me. Despite the fact I merely had a fling with a girl at university and we were more friends than anything, the more I try and put her out of my head the more she comes in (intrusive thoughts?) Let me be clear my life circumstances mean I am hundreds of miles away from uni and I haven't seen this girl in at least 6 months (before I met my gf), she did use the line I think we were meant to be together but at the time I thought not much of it but a tiny acorn is developing into a tree as it were. I have deleted her from my Facebook as well as her number from my phone in order to try to cut all ties yet my head keeps thinking of her, to the extent when sometimes I have the urge/compulsion to think of my gf by the wrong name, that of the university girl. It has gotten to the stage where it is really bad and when I think of my gf often the wrong name will pop into my head. Is this ROCD, or a form of OCD? In addition to this I find myself having the urge to look at any attractive women I see and thinking about them as my girlfriend or at least in a bedroom situation, I know men are genetically programmed to look but I guess like an intrusive thought the more I try not to look the more I do look. Only this morning I saw a good looking woman and looked at her bf and though he is maybe uglier than I am, I would have a chance as her bf. I know these are merely thoughts but they are really wearing me down. My gf knows I am suffering from OCD and depression but not to the extent I am and for obvious reasons I don't want to talk about these issues with her since the subject is somewhat sensitive!!!

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Hi goober,

Here’s a thought about your situation – I may be absolutely off-base so please take this or leave it.

I’m wondering if some of the intrusive thoughts and concerns about interests in other women aren’t a defense against a closer and more threatening anxiety -- fear of emotional intimacy and commitment to your current girlfriend? I don’t recall you mentioning seeing a counselor or therapist, and I’m not necessarily suggesting that for anything long-term. But do you think it might help to explore some of your anxieties with a counselor? Especially if you think fear of emotional intimacy might be a factor? Therapy can be a good place of test out that kind of thing so it’s not so scary.

(But if the therapist or therapy is NOT helping, get out of there. I’ve had a lot of therapists who did NOT help me, but I had some underlying conditions which they didn’t recognize.)

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I think you may partly be right, I have only had one long term relationship in my life and that was for under 2 years so in some peoples book not that long. That relationship went on for too long in my eyes anyhow. I think a part of me enjoys/enjoyed the single life, as everyone does, there are pros and cons to everything. When I am in a relationship part of the time I feel restricted. It is largely formed in my head the restrictions I guess, and part of me is looking for a way out or at least to feel free. There is no guarantee with any other woman, that the grass is greener on the other side. I believe that one of the symptoms of ROCD is that you create in your mind a perfect relationship that you desire and that if you dont have it with your other half, you are constantly looking for more and more faults :(

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