Young girl in need of some advice! PLEASE HELP!!!

[Depressed.Youngster88]

I am girl who is depressed and has been for most of my life. I was depressed/anxiety disorder/suicidal alot in high school which cause me to miss ALOT of school and I finaly made the dession to drop out for a while till get myself together. Now at age 20 I am still depressed and even more now because I am 20 years old and still in Grade 9...how embarrassing that? About a year ago I decided to sign up for home schooling but that is not going well either because I keep putting it off because I am depressed and then I get even more depressed by not doing my school work. I have lost alomost all of my friends because I droped out and dont see them anymore. No one knows about my depression other that my family and doctors. My friends that I do have out of school see me as happy young girl, I know how to hide everything very well. It is very upsetting to me that I have to hide everything from people.

I always thought that I would finish my schooling but I would just take a little longer than others and now I have been starting to feel as if I may never finish and I feel hopless. I hear alot about how my friends are doing through Facebook, etc. and they are all in University/college and I feel like I shoud be there too. I keep on comparing myself to others my age and it just makes me more depressed. When I run into old friends from High school I lie to them by telling them that I finished high school at a different school because I am too embarrased to tell them the truth. Also now people are asking me what I'm doing now that I finished high school and I dont know what to say anymore. People keep asking me why I am not working if I am not in university. I want to stop all this hiding from people and get on with my life but I just cant seem to get my life back on track.

Any suggestions and support would be highly appreciated.

Thank you for you time!

[Camithefirst]

Hey there.

I am so sorry to hear you feel this way.

I think you just need to forget about other people and what they think, and focus on yourself. It dosen't matter what other people are doing, it just matters wat you are doing for yourself, and that you are happy.

If you just relax and take school in your stride you might find it more enjoyable. Try not to stress out about work and try to enjoy it.

I am nearly 20 years and had some setbacks myself.I had to take time out of school and then go back. I was older than all of my class mates. At first I kept thinking of how I was older than them, but one day I decided to try and see myself at their level and I began to forget that there was any age difference.

Remember, your friends may be in college and stuff, but they have not had to go through the things you have. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Loads of my friends have dropped out of college, or have degrees in things they don't even want to do because they were so young when they chose what degree they wanted to do.

When it's your turn to decide, you will be more mature and will probably have a better idea of what is right for you-so you won't be wasting your time.

I hope, if you get your academic life in order, it will make you more relaxed and therefore make you a happier person. All of this stress is impacting on the rest of your life.

And for some useless advice.......

This may sound silly but if you don't watch Gilmore girls then start watching it!! Since I started watching this programme it had a profound affect on my motivation and spirit. Sounds crazy, but its totally true!!!!!! It is such a happy programme and it just lifts my mood.

I hope everything works out for you!!!!

[kaudio]

Hello Depressed and Cami, welcome to the community.

It is really difficult when you are depressed, and you make comparisons between yourself and other people. For the most part, such comparisons are made all the time simply by walking down the street; but, when I was down and depressed, comparing myself to others usually led to harsh personal criticism, and a horrible feeling that I was doing something wrong in my life. So, from personal experience, this line of thought had a tendency to make me feel worse. If this is indeed the case for you, my suggestion is to try to stop focusing on these comparisons.

When you begin to make these comparisons or think painful thoughts, you should immediately shift your focus by thinking of a goal you have in mind. Try to imagine what success in achieving this goal looks like, and then ask yourself what actions you need to take to achieve that goal. Once you have figured out what you have to do with your body, just do it. Push all of the sadness, confusion, anger, and whatever else you may be feeling aside by imagining yourself successful at a particular goal, and determine the next physical, visible action you have to do to get it. So, when you think of things that really make you sad, imagine something you want: Imagine yourself happy with a top grade in a subject that is giving you trouble. Then, ask yourself what must I physically do to get that image? Is there homework you have to sit down and complete? Are there pages of a textbook you must read?

Even when you are not sad, but you find yourself wondering what you should do, try to follow these steps with your mind. By developing the discipline of defining your goals, you will learn to shift your focus from unproductive, painful thoughts to positive, productive ones. You desire change, and you have a number of expectations of yourself that you have not met. This is difficult for anyone to acknowledge, and I too have experienced how it feels when I do not meet my own expectations. But, as I learned for myself here at Mental Help, people do care. Please feel free to share your thoughts with us any time.

Also, I understand I plug this book often, but Getting Things Done, by David Allen, is where I learned how to shift my focus. However, it is important to note that some of the tips and tricks Allen shares are things that you already do yourself. He only expresses these tips and tricks in words, elaborates upon them, and gives them a name such that the reader can exercise these tricks in a more deliberate fashion. If you do decide to read the book for yourself, just be aware of this fact because, for the longest time, I treated the contents of the book like it was some sort of alien manual. I treated each individual suggestion, like visualizing the goal, as some sort of exercise that could be done in isolation. But, of course, when I thought of something I wanted, I usually started to think about how to get it.

I hope this is a little helpful.

Edited November 29, 2008 by kaudio

[silentmist]

Hi DY88

This takes a lot of strength so I'm not sure if you can do this but ...

My advice is be honest with people about why and how you feel you are where you are. You will be rejected by some people but also accepted by others. It'll be horrible at first, kinda like being naked in front of someone you don't know. You'll be extremely vulnerable and anxious but it's ok, your not gonna actually implode into your own chest!

The beauty of being open and honest is that when someone accepts you after you've exposed your flaws and weaknesses to them, it's one of the most rewarding things in the world. Because it's genuine. Then comes a deep sense of being connected with people which will help enormously with managing the depression.

Your possibly worried about not being popular but who the hell wants that anyway! ... going through life being a 'people pleaser' and ending up being nothing more than an empty husk of a person? ... nah, screw that!

Edited November 29, 2008 by silentmist

[Lie_low]

I had similar problems and thought I could share my experience and offer some suggestions. I stopped going to public school in junior high because I was having problems related to anxiety and I was being harassed by some other students. I would skip school most days because of this. My parents pulled me out of school and I did a correspondence school program until I was 18. My parents did not participate in my education. I had to grade my own work and send it to the school. I didn’t keep up with my work and my parents couldn’t help me do my more advanced math classes because they didn’t know how to do the math themselves. I felt totally hopeless and overwhelmed by the situation.

I knew that I would not be able to pass the state high school proficiency exam because of my lack of math skills so I enrolled in a community college.

Perhaps this may be a good option for you. (You don’t have to have a diploma, anyone can enroll, and you can get college credits so that you can transfer to a university) I took general education and remedial math courses until I felt ready to take the exam, and passed it easily. When I began taking courses at the college I worried about my lack of education, but it turned out that I had the same or better academic skills than many of the students that had actually graduated from high school. I transferred to a university and graduated with a degree in history and I am now in graduate school.

Back in high school I was so behind, I never would have thought that I could have accomplished the things that I have. Like you, I have problems with depression. It would be a good idea to let others know what you are going through so that you can get the help that you need, but I know how difficult this can be. Having a regular job and enrolling in college gave me more confidence and a sense of stability. It has also helped me meet new people so that I am not as isolated as I once was.

I don’t know if any of this helps, but I related to what you wrote and I wanted to let you know how I dealt with it.

Take care,

Meredith

[Depressed.Youngster88]

Thank you everyone I really appreciate all of your support and advice. I think it is such a beautiful thing that total strangers would take time out of their lives to help someone that they dont even know. We need more people like this in this world.

[kaudio]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Whenever things are difficult feel free to share your thoughts on the blog or here on the forum. This community is slower than some others, but we all do our best.