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POCD i can't do this anymore..


Cjacks20
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Hi everyone,

I'm new to this site but thought it might be of some help. I was recently diagnosed with OCD a few days ago and its making my life a LIVING HELL. It was a sudden onset of OCD, which means I haven't had this my whole life, rather the last 2.5 months. I'm a straight female in my early 20's but after reading this magazine article I became convinced I was gay. The thought wouldn't go away and I started doing mental checks to make sure i wasn't attracted to other women. Than after 2 months, the thoughts about being gay suddenly stopped and transitioned to me thinking i was a pedophile. Those are the thoughts I have now and they are making HOCD look like a walk in the park.

I am now avoiding children and get really anxious around them. I try and look up pictures of kids to check if I'm attracted to them or not. I have NEVER looked at kids in a sexual way, fantasized about them, etc and have always liked men my own age. But I feel like I'm turning into a pedo overnight and its scaring the crap outta me! Can a person really just turn like that?? I also have the thought (which truly disturbs me) to look up kid porn to test myself. I haven't actually done that, don't want to do that, and am fully aware its illegal. But i feel like i have this urge to look now and i don't know if its out of curiosity or just another mental check. Either way, its an urge I'm fighting everyday and I'm disgusted with myself since this is all so sudden and I never had these types of thoughts before. I started seeing an OCD therapist but I'm struggling everyday and feel like I'm gonna end up in jail or something. I'm so overwhelmed and feel like this is never going to end. I really wanted a family but now i don't because I'm terrified I'm going to want to molest my own kids :( please, please help

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