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Help please


TruthIsInTheTrinity
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:(I have a story, no worse or better than anyone's. But I have no one to talk with, especially now that I can no longer afford my therapist. I'm growing more anxious, depressed and desperate with each day.

You see, I've never been married, have no children and no one else who truly cares enough to listen beyond a short period, because they can't take the reality of my life. They call me negative and continue to kick me harder until I just want to stay down and give up. I believe in God, trying to allow His Will in His time, not mine and am trying to take one day at a time. But all I get is rejection.

4 and 1/2 years ago, I lost my Father who was a great supporter of me and understood my anxiety and he was my best friend. In 2007, October 10th, my Mother, my other best friend, had a stroke. 13 days later, I lost my job to a layoff. In December of that year I had to remove my Mother from life-support. I was engaged at the time and ended up having to sell my house to avoid foreclosure. Being engaged and looking forward to one day marrying, I moved in with my Fiance. 7 months ago he broke our engagement but has allowed me to stay in his house for free and sleep in a lounge chair. He no longer cares about me and verbally, emotionally and mentally abuses me at every turn. My only sibling has thrown me away, I get no compassion and my sibling too, constantly kicks me down.

I've been searching for employment for over a year, with no real job coming to me. I have some money saved up and am purchasing a small condominium, there I will be able to last for a couple of years without a job or until I can find work, then longer. I'm more anxious than I've ever been and find I can't control it at all, especially when it rolls into a panic attack, which is multiple times per day. I get confused during the anxiety and can't control my thoughts. I'm having a hard time making decisions now, questioning every move I make.....not sure what to do anymore about anything. I'm trying to hold on, but don't really know how much longer I can before I go off the edge totally. God, church, praying and my little old doggy are all I have that keep me going.

As I said, I'm not unlike a lot of people out here. I just pray that one day, all this will be okay and I will be stronger and able to help others. For now, I need help to be able to help others. Just don't know where to find it and medication has not been the answer.

Help me please, I only want to get myself back, because I've lost a lot, but I've lost myself too.

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I just replied to your other post and i do feel for your circumstances... Is there not a mental health Clinic that is based on income? grant you I think they are not too hot .. but they only cost me $30.00 a pop.... Sorta like going into a factory... but let's just say I am not too thrilled right now.. so it may not hurt for you to give that a try... Hang in there and keep posting...

JT

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