I need advice, I want to get over her...

[theone2047]

It's a long story.. but greatly appreciated if anyone takes the time to read this and gives advice.

Anyways I'm 17 living in Los Angeles, CA. And I meet this girl from Boston online (she's 18). But at the moment she was living in Utah because she ran away from home to live with her older sister because she had a bunch of problems couldn't handle it and wanted to get away. We talked for about a month online/over the phone. And she told me shes was going back home to Boston on December 12 and told me she was going to come visit me before she left. Our relationship is kinda of hard to describe. I like her more then a friend, she told me she likes me too. I really care about her. But she told me me and her are not going to happen because of the distance (as in a couple). But yet we still talk like were boyfriend/girlfriend. We talk dirty, flirt, send dirty pictures, text all day, talk for hours on the phone. She told me she doesn't do any of this with any other guys, and I don't do anything else with other girls. It's like a unwritten rule I guess. She makes me feel really good and happy. And she always told me I make her happy which made me feel good.

Some background information on her: She told me shes had sex with 8 different guys (I was a virgin at the time when she told me this stuff), does drugs (was a pot head), and cuts herself all the time. She told me she usually just fucks friends and had two one night stands. She also told me she got rapped twice, but shes still friends with one of the guys who "rapped" her which I found strange.. I didn't like hearing this kind of stuff.. and I wanted her to change. At first I didn't believe she did all of this. I think this girl is amazing and couldn't imagine her doing this kind of stuff. It like upset me to hear all of this.. Her body isn't something that should go around like nothing shes only suppose to have sex with her boyfriend who she cares about a lot and has been with for a while... She told me she wanted to stop being so slutty and stop trying to cut herself every time she gets depressed. She told me because of me shes changing and wants to stop her old ways and told me I'm helping her change. She said I'm different because I didn't see her as just a piece of a-s-s like all the other guys did. Which is true I didn't see her as just a piece of a-s-s. I was really glad to hear that she wanted to change and hope she changed.

She came to visit me on 12/08/08 before she left back to Boston on the 12th. She spent two half days and a full day with me. This is the first time we ever meet. We were laying on my couch in my room and she kissed me and we made out a little, then she grabbed my d-i-c-k and started rubbing on it.. so I started fingering her and eventually we had sex. It was my first time and it was amazing. Something I'll always remember. It happened on 12/09/08 But the thing is, about 2 weeks ago me and her had gotten in a HUGE fight and completely stopped talking for about 4 days. She erased everything I ever sent her or gave her and I did the same. It really sucked when we stopped talking since I really liked her. Eventually we started talking again and she told me if were going to be friends again we cant have feelings for each other and were still going to do the whole talking as if were boyfriend and girlfriend. But she said no more dirty stuff at all. I'm thinking in my head how the hell am I not suppose to not like her? But it was either that or we didn't talk at all. So I agreed and we started talking again. So anyways she left yesterday in the morning back to Utah then she'll be leaving for Boston the next day. While she was here she told me how excited she was to go back home and how shes going to be back with all her friends. I'm thinking wow, when she gets back shes going to be around a bunch of guys who want to f-u-c-k her and who she already fucked and I know shes going to f-u-c-k- them. And its just the worst feeling ever... I want to be more then just friends, she means a lot to me and these 2 days were amazing. Just having her lay on me sleeping while I held her was the best feeling ever and I didn't want it to end. But she keeps telling me, no strings attached, no feelings involved, and after we had sex she said keep this between me and you, she said lets pretend this didn't happen. Not like she regretted it but more as a don't tell other people.

I want her back in Los Angeles with me, and I don't want her to back to Boston since I know she'll start doing drugs again and f-u-c-k-i-n-g guys. It's just a really bad situation and I can't do anything about it. She told me when she gets back that shes going to start dating other guys and doing things and said this can't be helped. Then the day after she went back to Arizona from my house we talked and got in a huge fight. We talked again today in the morning around 2 AM. (Btw shes going back home today) And she pretty much treated me like shit. She told me to stop with the whole talking like were boyfriend and girlfriend. I asked her are we even going to be talking when you get back home with all your friends? Shes like I don't know. I asked is this friendship even getting passed today? She said I don't know. And I told her you need to stop being so nice to me, I know you just act nice because you don't want to hurt me but I just want the truth. She said okay fine I won't be so nice about it. So I said w/e I'm going asleep bye. Now here I am can't sleep. And I'm thinking in my head what the hell was the point of all of this? She made me like her so much and care for her so much. And she pretty much treats me like shit in the end like nothing. I don't get what she was trying to do or what her intentions were by doing all of this stuff with me... I want to just say fuck her and forget about her but I care about her so much and I don't know what to do. I need help......... Should I hate her? like her? be mad at her? I like this girl so much and have so many feelings for her. And this is just horrible.. I can't handle it...

Edited December 12, 2008 by theone2047

[paula]

Hi theone2047

I think that you have to respect her wishes! By getting jealous like you are is only turning her against you!

Have you ever thought about what this girl might want? Ever thought that she's fallen for you, like you've fallen for her, but is afraid of getting serious incase she gets abused/raped again?

Its alright you saying that you would never do anything like that to her, but I bet they have all said that to her and she could be genuinly frightened. Scared to hurt you and be hurt herself in the process.

She slept with you, so what! It doesn't mean you own her! Your still young and she was your first and no doubt will be your last? You've experienced what love is all about! Love hurts and shit happens! get over it! Your only seventeen! You've got the rest of your life ahead of you!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi theone2047,

I believe Paula has given you some things to think about.

I want to add to that:

Though we may wish we could, we cannot change other people. You cannot change this girl or prevent her from doing whatever she wants to do.

You are very young and there are many wonderful girls out there who, I am sure, would love to have a serious relationship with you and who will help you feel a lot better about things than this girl can.

Allan:(

[John Rutledge]

deleted ...

Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[theone2047]

By the way she got home yesterday at around 7PM my time which is 10PM her time. We talked when she landed in Detroit (She took had to get off the first plane to get onto another, the wait was about a hour). She told me she would talk to me when she landed. But she didn't bother texting me till about midnight my time. She told me her cousin picked her up from the airport and said her cousin took her to a bar and shes drinking with her cousin and her cousins friends. Then eventually she just stopped texting me. Don't want to think about what's going on at that bar, but I guess I'm just going to forget about her.

Edited December 13, 2008 by theone2047

[paula]

Hi theone2047

You are better off forgetting this relationship, because look at what your doing to yourself. Your torturing yourself by keeping in touch and forever wondering what she's doing? Who's she with?

You will find out if she thinks anything of you by ignoring her and letting her get in touch with you? Lets see how long it takes her? You could do with being nice and just talking back to her politely, and when she mentions anything about male companionship being with her, just reply how nice it is! She'll soon get pissed of with you not taking any notice of her, and then the table will turn. Mark my words! She's playing games with you! trust me! It will be hard cracking on that your not bothered, but if you want her, then do it my way & watch her come running!