Major dissociate episode? PLEASE HELP

[helpmeplease]

I have a friend (yes, it really is a friend) that i am deeply concerned about. Here's the situation:

He is 28 years old

He complains frequently but vaguely of "feeling bad" about himself, of "needing to fix a lot of things" etc

He complains frequently that "no one" believes in him, understands him etc

He believes--and with some reason--that his parents basically abandoned him emotionally in his early to mid teens

He has attached himself to me very strongly in a relatively short (1 month) period of time--saying that i am the only one who believes in him, he can't tolerate any threat to our relationship (which is platonic) etc

He has hours-long crying jags when he perceives that anyone is calling his trustworthiness into question to me

Don't know if this matters, but it also appears that he is into a number of left-of-center sexual practices--spanking, bondage, genital piercings, etc.

About a week ago, i got a strange email from a woman who indicated that she was a girlfriend. having never heard of such a person, i asked this guy about her and he denied knowing who she was. I contacted her back and she has given me ample proof that he does know, and in fact has dated, her.

When confronted with this evidence, he continues to deny her very existence. And here's what REALLY worries me--i think he might actually believe what he's saying when he's telling me he doesn't know her. Even tho he's telling her not to contact me WHILE I am talking to her about him, it's like he actually thinks a at the same time that he doesn't know her.

He is very, very upset by the idea that this "person" (the GF) is "talking about him behind his back, threatening our [his an my] relationship for no reason, since she doesn't know him". It is all so crazy. I don't know what to make of it.

Confronting him with increasing piles of evidence does absolutely nothing. I have strongly recommended that he see a therapist, and he has sorta kinda agreed to do that...except he's got all these excuses about why he doesn't have the time.

Any insight as to what might be going on here? I am VERY worried for him and for the GF. Plus, I'm very, very saddened by the pending loss of this friendship.

[paula]

Hi

It very much sounds to me like he's attatched himself to you? I really think he wants you and no-one else, and feels threatened at the thought of losing you?

With this g/f being in touch with you, he doesn't want you to know that he once dated her, incase it jepodises his relationship with you? So he feels that by saying that he doesn't know of her, then thinks he's got more of a chance with you? Am I making sense?

I really think that you have been lumbard with him to be honest! I suggest that if the feelings arn't mutual, then the only thing to do, is to tell him before it gets to the stage where there's no going back?

If this is not a relationship that you want to have, then you have to be cruel to be kind and tell him!

[helpmeplease]

Yes, he has attached himself to me but i believe it is because i give him acceptance and approval, rather than for romantic reasons. he has a deep fear that everyone around him is rejecting of him.

The lying goes on despite what i would call "proof" that he knows and has dated this girl--descriptions of some things that only someone who saw him naked would know (piercings, specifically), a series of emails between the 2 of them, her presence on his myspace page, which he has since deleted...

I am concerned enough to wonder whether he has had some kind of break with reality that ought to be treated immediately.

[paula]

Hi helpmeplease

Yes, he has attached himself to me but i believe it is because i give him acceptance and approval, rather than for romantic reasons. he has a deep fear that everyone around him is rejecting of him

Could you explain in a bit more detail as to what you mean when you say that he has a deep fear, that everyone around him is rejecting him? In what way?

Going of your previous post, it sounds like it's the other way around? Is it not that he's isolating himself away from other's?

[helpmeplease]

He has told me repeatedly that no one in his life--not family, not friends, not co-workers--"believe in him". He is very talented in many ways, but seems to think that no one around him recognizes this and, in fact, that they are only out to criticize and demean him. The longer this goes on, the more i think that he has BPD or some similar disorder. He has almost no close friends, and yet i believe that he has this girlfriend that he's denying the existence of. This is just too sick for me.

[paula]

Hi

He has almost no close friends, and yet i believe that he has this girlfriend that he's denying the existence of. This is just too sick for me.

Then why would he want to deny the existence of this G/F. There must be a reason behind it? For all you know, this G/F could of abused him in some way? I don't know & neither do you by the sounds of it? Only your friend and this G/F know the answer to that?

How do you know that this was a G/F to begin with? I know you mentioned previously that you have got spoken proof to back this up, but thats all it is! spoken proof! You need to get evidence!

Can I ask you why it bothers you so much? If he's your friend like you say he is, then it wouldn't matter what he's done or seen in the past?

Your concern should be to your friend, not to question whether he's been out with this girl or not?

I really think you need to get him to see a professional. A doctor! I am not qualified to tell you about his mental state of mind. If you care as much as you say you do, then you will get him checked out with a doctor as soon as you can? Not only for he's sake, but for your also!

Please don't think that I'm being funny, because I'm not! I'm trying to put a suggestion your way, that will in the long run, answer your queries?

Also, could I ask what is so sick for you, as you mention at the end of your sentence above?