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Scizo-Burger with Everything


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I am truthfully, incredibly, and unrelentingly angry at my mind and have been for some time. I am 23 and after suffering from hallucinations since I was ten years old, I feel that I deserve a certain amount of consistency in what chooses to attack my senses. I, after a year or two, found that I could recognize and relate to most of the people I would see, voices I would hear, sensations I would feel and odors I would smell. After a psychotic-nervous breakdown three years ago--forcing me to tell people about my reality after 10 years of keeping it to myself--I began the horrific ritual of medications to treat my illness, and then to treat the side-effects, and then to treat the symptoms excised from my psyche as I faced the more prominent ones, and...you know what the process entails. When I began the meds I take now, after 5 tries with others, I initially felt at ease. After a bit of time, I began to notice the minor side-effects as my Dr. increased the dosage in order to fully alleviate the psychosis. Today, I take 180mg of Geodon twice a day. After being hospitalized for Dystonia from the disgusting amount of the anti-psychotic, they reduced my dosage to 100 X 2, implemented two Cogentin/day, and now take 10mg of Zyprexa Zydis twice daily. With these chemicals monitoring my cranial output I am no longer surrounded by the hallucinations I had grown accustomed to being around and recognized as hallucinations. Now, I feel trapped by my illness with unfamiliar and terrifying surroundings. I know what happens if I don't take the pills but, I can't handle the appearance of these sensory villains that have taken me hostage. As I suffer from Agoraphobia, I have not left my house in three weeks and haven't slept (with the exception of 15-30 minute intervals every now and again) in two. Fourteen days. How can I be healthy under these conditions? If there is anyone with similar experiences or anyone with advice or solutions please, get back to me.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi bnicoleb,

I spent many years working in a psychiatric community with people who experienced similar symptoms to those you describe. It was a Continuing Day Treatment Program and it afforded the clients the opportunity to learn about their illness, how to prevent a repeat hospitalization, learn skills needed to secure employment, etc. It worked quite well. I do not know where you live but I would urge you to find out if there are such programs in your community. A good starting place would be to ask your psycchiatrist.

You should get in touch with NAMI: the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They can be found on the Internet and they can help you locate local chapters near where you live. They are really terrific.


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