Scizo-Burger with Everything

[bnicholeb]

I am truthfully, incredibly, and unrelentingly angry at my mind and have been for some time. I am 23 and after suffering from hallucinations since I was ten years old, I feel that I deserve a certain amount of consistency in what chooses to attack my senses. I, after a year or two, found that I could recognize and relate to most of the people I would see, voices I would hear, sensations I would feel and odors I would smell. After a psychotic-nervous breakdown three years ago--forcing me to tell people about my reality after 10 years of keeping it to myself--I began the horrific ritual of medications to treat my illness, and then to treat the side-effects, and then to treat the symptoms excised from my psyche as I faced the more prominent ones, and...you know what the process entails. When I began the meds I take now, after 5 tries with others, I initially felt at ease. After a bit of time, I began to notice the minor side-effects as my Dr. increased the dosage in order to fully alleviate the psychosis. Today, I take 180mg of Geodon twice a day. After being hospitalized for Dystonia from the disgusting amount of the anti-psychotic, they reduced my dosage to 100 X 2, implemented two Cogentin/day, and now take 10mg of Zyprexa Zydis twice daily. With these chemicals monitoring my cranial output I am no longer surrounded by the hallucinations I had grown accustomed to being around and recognized as hallucinations. Now, I feel trapped by my illness with unfamiliar and terrifying surroundings. I know what happens if I don't take the pills but, I can't handle the appearance of these sensory villains that have taken me hostage. As I suffer from Agoraphobia, I have not left my house in three weeks and haven't slept (with the exception of 15-30 minute intervals every now and again) in two. Fourteen days. How can I be healthy under these conditions? If there is anyone with similar experiences or anyone with advice or solutions please, get back to me.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi bnicoleb,

I spent many years working in a psychiatric community with people who experienced similar symptoms to those you describe. It was a Continuing Day Treatment Program and it afforded the clients the opportunity to learn about their illness, how to prevent a repeat hospitalization, learn skills needed to secure employment, etc. It worked quite well. I do not know where you live but I would urge you to find out if there are such programs in your community. A good starting place would be to ask your psycchiatrist.

You should get in touch with NAMI: the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They can be found on the Internet and they can help you locate local chapters near where you live. They are really terrific.

Allan:)