Recently Seperated

[Wantingtocope]

Hi everyone this is my first time on a site like this. I am 41 and been married 7 yrs to a woman I have been with almost 11 yrs. I was divorced my first time at age 25 and have 2 older boys from that marriage, both on their own now in TX. I also have an 11 yr old son from a previous relationship that I have full custody of and his mother is not in his life. My current wife has raised him and loves him very much. We have no children together. Our marriage has been deteriorating due to our jobs and financial situation. I work 50-60 hrs a week and have been involved in a major renovation of our house. My wife works a regular job and has been doing some computer work at home in the evenings. She doesn't get done till 11:30 at night we have had very little time to spend together and always seem to be on the go. I wish I could change alot of things now, but I would get upset because she never had time to help me with some of the projects around the house and she was upset because I never did any of the housework chores. We have not been very close for about the last year. It came to a head a couple weeks ago and we had a fight. Alot of things were said that I definitely regret. When your hurt you say some pretty mean things as a defense mechanism. I have never been very good at opening up and showing my true feelings. I am a man thats what we do I guess. She moved out to stay with a friend and I am doing some things to try and change my ways. I have started treatment to deal with stress issues and counseling thru work. She told me she didn't love me anymore and I am having trouble believing that after being together 11 yrs you can just stop. I know I can't We don't talk much right now I was texting her at night and in the morning to tell her goodmorning and goodnight and that I love her. Something I should have been doing a long time ago I know. I have stopped that this week because I am not sure what to do I dont want to push her farther away. I know alot of people have been thru this but cant believe it is a reason to stop trying or to repair our marriage. I am having trouble every day trying to get thru because my mind is always wandering searching for an answer. I have several friends to talk to but it is hard when they dont know both sides. It is hard to put on a happy face but I have to for my son's sake and have talked to him alot. That is another issue I am dealing with in rebuilding my relationship with him. Things get so busy and yes we do take alot for granted. I regret that but I can not change the past. I am not sure how far to push her telling her I love her and trying to talk when she doesnt seem to want to respond. I have wrote a couple letters to her and told her how I felt and that I would never stop fighting for our relationship. Just not sure where to turn everyday

[paula]

Hi Wantingtocope

. She told me she didn't love me anymore and I am having trouble believing that after being together 11 yrs you can just stop.

I'm afraid that she could be telling you the truth? I was with my partner for 22yrs and it got to the stage that I couldn't pretend anymore and be a Hyporcrit! So I told him I didn't love him anymore?

What I said to him (without trying to hurt his feelings anymore than I had) was, 'that I loved him, but wasn't in love with him'. Meaning: That I loved him as a friend, my boy's father, but wasn't in love with him to carry on a relationship (lovingly and sexually).

All I can say is 'Enjoy the little thing's in life... For One day you'll look back and realise, they were the big things!' You have to learn from yesterday & hope for tomorrow?