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Should I see a psychiatrist? If so, how would I do that, and what would I say?


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I normally wouldn't wonder about something like this (I never have before), but more and more people in my life have pointed out certain things about me, that I've never noticed before. Some things to clear out first: I'm not an angry person. I rarely ever get upset over anything, and when I do I either solve the problem or move on. I've never truly been upset for more than a few minutes at a time. My friends/family refer to me as being the calmest person they know, but some tend to call me "cold". I'm 21 years old, in college, and the military (USAF). I was kicked out of my house at 17 for enlisting in the military, and I was raised in a somewhat abusive environment. My step dad was a drug addict, and he was physically abusive towards my little brothers and my mother. He only touched me 2-3 times in my life, mostly just pinning me to the ground when I would step between him and my mom. Otherwise he was moreover verbally abusive, or made me do useless physical labor (chores) all day (move stuff from here to there, then move it back, etc.). I'm intelligent (Electrical Engineer student, full time while working full time on base with 4.0), and handle stress/problems with ease. I'm very good at helping resolve situations with my friends (relationship problems, etc) but can't seem to grasp emotional situations I'm currently involved in.

The first problem I want to talk about was already addressed. I'm tired of everyone always talking down to me, and telling me I'm "cold". It's not even that the situation itself bothers me, but when I hear people talk bad about me, talk down to me, and generally get mad at me for not caring, it starts to affect my life. I've never really felt connected to anyone in my life. I've felt more connected to my pets than anything. My best friend, when he got divorced and called me, from the first minute into the phone call all I could think about was how I could get myself off the phone. I thought he was being overly sensitive, that it wasn't a big deal, how he's probably better off. I was very close to my grandpa. I enjoyed his company, saw him every day. When he died, the only thing I could think of was how the funeral was going to be annoying, how I'd have to deal with everyone crying, and wondered what of his stuff I could get. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. When I should get excited (getting PS1 and PS2's growing up), or upset, or angry, I never really felt anything. I just mentally marked whether or not this interested me, inconvenienced me, or if it affected me at all.

Next, I lie a lot. Over nothing. I can't help it, it's such a rush. It's like I get drawn into it. Big lies, little lies. Unimportant. It's like a feeling of control. I'm amazing at it, to the point to where I can continue and twist people even when I've been caught in a lie. When I am caught, I can twist the blame off in subtle ways to others, or sometimes back onto the person who caught me. I actually love being caught, because the sense of satisfaction I get from saving myself from a failed lie by lying is the best thrill I can feel.

Finally, I randomly get angry. I don't mean upset, I mean I'll get just furious. Mostly, it's towards my cat. I've never hurt her. In fact, the only time I've ever hurt anything was when I was bird hunting and shot a bird. That was weird, because instead of finishing it I just watched it die. Anyway, back to the cat. I've noticed a trend, and that trend is when she doesn't do what I want her to do. She's very scared of outside noises (cars, machinery, etc.) and attempts to jump away from me when I take her near a window. At first, it starts small. I get upset when her claws dig in, so I hold her tight and stand next to the window with it open. Then when she fights more, I would try to make her uncomfortable/scared. Hold her a little tighter, push her down between couch cushions, or mess with her until she was freaking out. During this time, I'm trying to calm myself down, but then I seem to blank with anger for a second, and that keeps repeating for the 2-3 minutes that this lasts. Finally she runs away, and I stand there trying to regain control. Usually I'm shaking slightly, my mind is racing so fast I can barely keep up with it. I'm actually disoriented slightly, and angry. After 5-10 minutes, I'm back to myself. I'm completely calm, and now irritated because my cat is now scared of me. I've never even once felt bad for what I did. I've really never felt bad about anything, now that I think about it.

So that's everything, really. Is this normal, and do people just exaggerate? Or should I see someone? I have no idea how I would go about seeing someone if I should, or how I would approach asking them what I have in here. Any suggestions? Mental Health Problems in my family:

Mother: Agoraphobia, Schizophrenia, General Anxiety, Depression.

Father: Anger Management

Brother: Was diagnosed with "Psychopathic" tendencies. He acted the way that I felt, but I knew how to control myself. He was more explosive. For a long time, I watched him and how difficult his life became by expressing himself, acting out, and blowing up. I decided I had to suppress myself if I wanted a somewhat normal life, and that's what I've tried to do. However, sometimes it's hard, and othertimes I feel overexposed, and start to worry others will see through me.

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