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Sexually conflicted, not confused.


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I am a 19-year-old female, and for a while now I have been questioning my sexuality. At this point, I think I understand what the situation is, but I'm not sure how to deal with it.

In a nutshell, my body is straight, while my mind does not want to be:

I know what it feels like to be chemically attracted to someone, to go through the year or so of feeling magically in love, to become physically aroused by someone's touch. My body chemistry has only reacted this way to males, never to females.

On the other hand, only once or twice in my lifetime have I seen a male whom I found to look attractive, and on both occasions the males in question were on the feminine side. I don't understand how other people find male movie stars attractive, because I find nothing sexy about them. Certainly I could see the difference in handsomeness between a man with an oddly proportioned, pock-marked face and a male model, but I couldn't describe either of them as sexually alluring. I have no desire to look at naked men.

As for women, there are many of them that I would call sexy. In general, I love the female face, body, and composure. When I see people pass by in a public place, I assess the females, looking at their faces, their bodies, their hair, and am very pleased to see an especially attractive girl. I have plenty of pictures of naked, half-naked, and even non-suggestively beautiful women on my computer. Looking at these images doesn't physically arouse me, but I enjoy them, and I save pictures of women that I find hot and go back to view them again.

When I masturbate, it does nothing for me to imagine males, even the people with whom I have been intimate with. Instead, I have to focus on females.

I know I'm straight, but oddly enough, I wish I weren't. I very much want to experiment doing things with other girls, but girls are never attracted to me - only guys.

I don't think that either my mind or body will change... how should I deal with this mismatch?

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well i have to say that we have some things n common. well the truth is that i get those feelings sometime n i dont know y. i mean i cant say that i dont like guys cuz i do i luv them. then comez the part where i find myself fantasizing

about gurlz y i dont know. n the thing with me is that i do attract gurlz i had friends that are bi n i know that i attracted them but i never imagined doin ne thing with them. i mean yes i will admit there was one of my friends that i did fantasize about but that was it. there has been alot of times while i am with my husband that i just close my eyes in think of a gurl n that turns me on more than he does. so i ask my self am i bi? i mean i havent been with a gurl b4 but like i said i do fantasize about it alot.

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