He makes me CRAZY!

[Bright_Crayon]

:confused:

My boyfriend seems to get upset when I don't do what he asks me to do. I get a speech about it's a change in my pattern and it means that my feelings about him have changed, I don't trust him like I used too and then I get the I don't feel close to you right now, all because I refused to go along with his request.

Also I used to buy him things every now and then or used to do nice things for him, now he seems to demand that I do these types of things frequently, if I refuse or stand up for myself he seems to accuse me of a change in pattern once again and how I am not doing these things like I used too. So I'm seeing a lot of manipulative tactics, when I point this out whoa look out he goes off the deep end and I am the one who is the bad guy and trying to deceive him or change him or whatever.

He prides himself on being logical and rational yet his actions seem very hypocritical. He acts very close to me when I am passive and follow suit, but when I am critical of him he becomes very distant and accusational. It seems like I constantly have to bend over backwards to win his approval and to fill the insecurities he seems to have but refuses to acknowledge. I know this seems like I should run for the hills, but he has his good moments and he does have a sleeping disorder so I am hoping a lot of this is due to that.

He has become very anti-social according to him in the past couple of years. Also he is very private and likes to know everything, yet refuses to let me know things about him. I get the old you are withholding information and being evasive, yet when I confront him on his withholding of similar info, he says I am pushing him when he doesn't want to share and I won't get what I am after like that. He will tell me when he's ready... but like I said if I did or said something of that nature he would come back with I am being secretive and he would give me the cold shoulder and tell me he doesn't want to deal with my issues and tell me to leave.

He also seems very non-committal, some days he will talk like we are going to be married and have kids and other days he acts like we are doomed and incompatible and there are millions of other women who are better for him then me. So after all these things I am starting to feel like it isn't just a sleep issue or a personality conflict but more of some mental disorder on his part.

[paula]

Hi Bright_crayon & welcome

It very much to me, sounds like he has got a mental health problem? I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and some of these moods you describe, I can surely relate to.

He has become very anti-social according to him in the past couple of years. Also he is very private and likes to know everything, yet refuses to let me know things about him.

You will find that anyone who is suffering from mental health, will in one stage of their life, whilst suffering, will try and deny it, being in denial that anything is wrong with them self?

You could do with trying to persuade him, to make an Appointment to see his GP? It would be in his best interest, as well as yours, to seek medical advise? At least then, you could rule out all possibilities that he is suffering from a medical condition?

I became very anti-social, not wanting to mix with anyone. Thinking that it was everyone else who had the problems and not me. Luckily now, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, and am on medication to try and help me deal with my situation.

Don't get me wrong, I still have my off days, and? some worst than others. I wish you luck!

[julie42]

Hi,

I caught my boy friend of a year and a half e-mailing other women and saying that he was single on his facebook page. Neither one of us was happy in the relationship but I tried so many times to get him to work on our issues and he refused to admit that there was any thing wrong with him. It was a very complex relationship because we both have disabilities. He is in a wheel chair since the age of 28 due to a stroke and his communication and some cognitive functions have been affected. Due to this I would get extremely frusterated with him because I could not understand him a great deal of the time and I had a difficult time interpreting his writing. I was very patient with him in the beginning and I would feel horrible after I got mad at him . Prior to this I would try to have a caring talk with him about getting help with his speech so we could maintain our relationship. He refused to admit there was anything wrong with his speech. Im not the type of person to yell at people but he just had this way of pissing me off all the time. He could be extremely judgemental and was very racist. He also complained a great deal of the time and could be very negative. Yet he is extremely popular and well liked. Every where we went the women would kiss him and say hi to him. It was like he became this whole other person with them. The fake Jim and he was the real Jim with me. I got to see the ugly side of him.

I did so much for him and was so patient with him in so many ways. I always had to do the driving. I had to put his heavy wheel chair in and out of the car all the time. I did all this without complaining. We went to the movies, to comedy clubs, to his social club. He lives at home and his parents have total control over his life. In a year and a half of dating his father has never once acknowledge me or welcomed me. I don't think he ever said hello to me. I was always banished to the basement. I have a history of abuse in my life having grown up with an alchoholic father and also being treated badly by others. Once again I feel like I have totally given myself over to another person and been hurt. We met online and both kept our profiles up. I have had many men e-mail me wanting to get together but I did not respond due to the fact I had a boyfriend. How dare he break up with me. I did nothing wrong. He had the nerve to get mad at me when I caught him making dates with other women. He also got mad at me when I said I was hurt by his father. How could he get mad at me. I did nothing wrong. I even brought his father a Christmas gift. I suffer from severe depression and am scared that this will cause a huge set back in my recovery. Jim was my best friend and I shared everything with him. He was always there for me and he has hurt me so bad.

When we first met I couldn't even get out of bed. He was there for me. He wrote me love poems. He said he would never leave me. He brought me flowers. He helped motivate me to get my life together. I am now teaching swimming lessons and very successful at it. I have met friends from a support group. I am volunteering. I am so scared. In the year and half I have known Jim there has never been a day I have not talked to him. Just a few days ago he was calling me sweetie and telling me he loved me when he didn't feel this way anymore. He didn't have the nerve or the guts to try and work out our relationship. I have written him several angry e-mails letting him know how I feel. He wrote me back throwing my depression in my face, saying that I am not going to find anyone who wants to deal with my problems. He was more depressed than me he just would never admit it. He would never see a therapist . Instead he just judges every one and spews racist comments. Yet in public he acts like MR Social butterfly. It makes me sick. He thinks he is such a great wonderful caring guy. A great wonderful caring guy wouldn't make fun of people and judge everyone and be so racist.

I have alot going for me and things are starting to come together in my life. Even though I was really not liking Jim lately, I am scared that I will break down without him. He was my social buddy. We did every thing together. I am afraid that this is going to make me isolate even further and put up an even greater wall than I already do. I am preety. I am very athletic. I am very intelligent and well read. I know this break up is for the best I am just hurt and mad at how it happened. How he can just act as if we had nothing. I was his first and only girlfriend and the guy is 42. I find that pathetic. He thinks that he is going to be able to find another girlfriend.

I cannot let this affect me. I have a horrible illness but despite it I put on my best face when I teach my lessons and I am a go getter. I have competed in triathalons, I have had very professional careers. I am always looking for new challenges and new activities to do. For once I would like to be the jerk who hurts someone instead of being the one to get hurt. He was very lucky to find someone as kind as me. I did something that I normally would never stoop to but he has hurt me so badly. I went on his facebook page and told everyone that he was cheating on his girlfriend. I wrote to this girl who he was trying to hook up with and told her that he had a girl friend the whole time he has been trying to hook up with her. I don't care. I am so sick of taking the high road all the time. I have no sympathy for him and have always tried to treat him equally . I have never treated him different for being in a wheel chair. Good riddence. I need a man that is willling to deal with his issues, if such a man exists. Jim reminds me of my alchoholic father who was in denial. I always told Jim Denial is not just a river in Egypt. He would complain to me for an hour and then when I said he was being negative he would say that he was a positive person. I think I would be happy in the woods with a dog and a cat, a fireplace, music, books. I've had it with people. All they do is hurt you. Sorry for the huge e-mail. I am not going to blame myself for this break up. It was not my fault.

I tend to blame myself for everything but not this time.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Julie42,

Welcome to our community.

You mention having a terrible illness. Can you tell us what that illness is so that we may better understand you?

You ask, "How dare he break up with you?" I have a different question for you, Julie. Why do you want him? He is not nice to you. Perhaps you are angry that he broke up with you rather than you with him?

It appears to me that, with an alcoholic father, you had a difficult time growing up. I want to suggest to you the idea that, because of that childhood, you may believe that you deserve no better than this handicapped guy who treats you badly. What about the idea of you finding a guy who treats you with respect and dignity? Are you fearful that you cannot have that type of guy because of your handicap? If so, it is not true.

Julie, can you tell us more about yourself?

Allan

[paula]

Hi Julie42, & welcome to our Community.

Allan, I think Julie's terrible illness is her Depression?

I've had it with people. All they do is hurt you. Sorry for the huge e-mail. I am not going to blame myself for this break up. It was not my fault.

I tend to blame myself for everything but not this time.

Julie, not everyone's the same. I'm a sucker for getting hurt! But who cares? Shit happens!

The best thing you could do is get right back up, and start getting yourself to places where you will need to socialise with people of both sex's, That way ur not stooping to his level!

You want to ignore him now. Don't go on his Face book. Better still, delete him. That way he cannot get in touch with you either. That's if you set your profile to friends only.

He is acting MR NICE GUY now. Lets see what happens when you have no contact with him whatsoever! Mark my words, the curiosity will get the better of him sometime!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Julie and Paula,

Julie, is your illness Depression? If so, there is help for that. Are you in therapy and, as with my last posting, can you tell us more about yourself?

Paula gave you some good advice. What do you think, Julie?

Allan

[2002to2009]

He's playing games with you. Having said that, I can identify with almost all of what you've said in my current relationship.