Feels like my head is going to explode

[BuffaloBills]

Hello everybody,

I have recently been diagonsed with GAD. Here is a little bit of background about myself. I am currently 15 years old, and i have recently moved in with my dad. My dad is currently trying to get legal custody of me in court,(which i find stupid because i am 15 years old after all...) and my mom just won't let it go. Before i moved in with my dad i obvoulisly lived with mom, which in in one word could be described as shitty. Sure there were good times but my mom was usually angry. I think she was bi-polar because she seemed to suffer from bizzare mood swings. Her mood swings really hurt me, i have been to 7 different schools and have moved 4 different times. She has destroyed several of my friendships, because she either argued with their parents or completely snapped on my friends. She has embarrased me several times by coming to my schools and accusing kid's of "hitting me" and "threatning to kill me". It became so bad that evantually i was afraid to go home from school, for the fear of what mt moms mood was going to be like. I became so angry with my mom, i started verbally abusing her and in some cases i would physically hurt her. She sent for anger managment classes which i don't think i needed(i was diagnosed with AN ANXIETY DISORDER!) The day finally came where she sent the police to my high school to talk to me, which as you could imagine was very embarrsing. After this i finally decided to move in with my dad. I have always been a shy kid but recently the anxitety as become so bad, that i have gotten stomah aches, my hands have started shaking, and i always get a HUGE nervous twitch in my legs. I have become very withdrawn, and don't have many friends. I no girls like me, but im just so nervous to talk to them, ( I don't feel like im good enough to) Im gotten extremly paranoid,which is really starting to worry me, Im starting to feel like life is hopeless, whats the point of living? I feel like im never going to fit in with anyone, i don't really feel emotions much anymore, and haven't laughed hard in the longest time.

If anyone has thoughts or suggestions, i would appcieate it

Thanks

Edited January 6, 2009 by BuffaloBills

[Mark]

BuffaloBills,

That is a pretty sad story you have to share. I've heard worse cases of abuse before, but it's clear that you're in a lot of pain and that your particular situation is really very difficult for you. You're able to describe it

pretty well, which is some small help I hope. Sometimes when you can describe something, you gain a small power over it - if only to be able to get some of the emotion about it expressed.

You may be diagnosed with a generalized anxiety condition, but it is clear enough that there is more going on. You've got a complicated relationship with your mother, some difficulty coping that has been expressed as anger, and towards the end of your post you sound fairly depressed. It is clear that you're lonely too. Anxiety depression and anger are all related emotions, so this is not so weird, but it is more complicated than simple anxiety. Actually, what it sounds like is that your ability to cope with the stress of the relationship with mom has been so great that you're just having all sorts of emotions happen and sometimes they spill out of you somewhat violently. I hope that the choice to live with dad helps you gain a little needed distance, and that having that distance even if it isn't perfect helps some. Every little bit counts.

If you've just been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, probably you have been offered some kind of treatment as well. Can I ask what form that has taken, if in fact you've been offered treatment? Has it helped at all? Maybe a good question to ask someone who is feeling so overall jittery is what sorts of things have you discovered that help you to feel better when so much in your life is upside down?

FYI - we have a general policy on the site to not encourage people younger than 16 to participate mostly because we talk about some fairly adult stuff, some of it sexual and some of it concerning suicide and self-harm and other difficult things. It's an arbitrary age limit; basically we just don't want young children to be exposed to things that could frighten them. If you think those sorts of things might bother you, I'd ask you to stay away from the parts of the site where they are discussed most frequently (e.g., self-injury and sexuality and suicide). Being on the border of this arbitrary age limit, and having a substantive problem to discuss, I'm inclined to welcome you here rather than try to push you away. You are free to discuss your problems here and I hope that we can be of some help to you, and that you can possibly be of some help to others here

Mark