Waiting

Thanks everyone. I still feel oddly unaffected by this. I will admit I was very anxious leading up to the final statement, but since then not much. I don't know if it has not sunk in or if it feels like the damage is done anyway. Either way I am moving on already. A job interview and a date today. Wish me luck.

Thanks Vett. Seems to be getting a few more contacts about jobs, maybe something will happen there too.

I finally after over two years have some good news. I was found not guilty this morning. It really doesn't change a n awful lot, but it is done. Hasn't seemed to sink in yet, but I am glad that something finally has gone my way.

Thanks, I am doing pretty good. I do feel the anxiety more intensely that I did awaiting my last date, but I will be good. My parents are coming to visit today and I have met someone new, so all in all things are going well.

Thanks. I think it is nature of the beast. The legal systems we have are the worst form of justice other than every other one tried so far.

Thanks for all the good wishes. My secret is that I have been trained by the process well and there is nothing I can do about it. I gave up hope long ago of having things get over with.

Thanks SweetSue, I am sure it will pass soon enough, I have become good at passing time.

Well today was to be my verdict. My parents (mid 70s), my sister, her daughter, my brother, his wife and daughter and friend all showed only to be told that the Judge was off a few days. They claimed my Lawyer was informed. No message got to him. We all traveled over an hour for this. So now We wait just over a week more. We wait for eight more days to see what my fate will be. Just yesterday my new connection realized she is still in love with her ex and she is going to try patch things up with him. I am tired of delays. I am tired of being the one left out. The one who ends up ... alone in ruins. I am tired of it.

Hi Finding My Way. Things are pretty good. I will have my verdict on Tuesday the 21st. The connection this thread is about is still going strange as in we are best friends, but still is at the same point otherwise. How are you?

Thanks LaLa. Let me explain it somewhat better. Over the past two years things have moved towards an end. There is no arguing that, but nothing has ended. I get closer and closer, but but everything gets delayed more and more. I have many friends, but what I crave is more and I fear that something will stop it from becoming something more. I have great kids and a wonderfully supporting family, There are good things in my life no doubt and I am thankful for that, but I just want to regain something things I have lost. The job market is the same. I have been very very close, but they either fall through or are dragged out forever. It grinds on me and makes me feel nothing will ever end well.

It is awesome. I am just stuck on the fact that something always prevents anything from developing more. I know it is psychological. I know things will happen. I just need to have something good to happen for a change or maybe clearer regain something I have lost in some way.

Thanks LaLa, I have pretty much always been like this. A bit more so as I aged, but basically always. I think part of it, is that I don't deal well with artificial boundaries. Why not tell people? I have never been one to avoid taboo subjects or anything like that. I guess obviously I have not been one to avoid taboo actions either. I like laws as they are ... well I used to think of them as clear boundaries. I guess now even they are grey and fuzzy for me. I am talking with her again and again we are getting along great with the understanding that she needs to get over him. I have already supplanted him as her best friend. We so very similar. I coined a term that she likes for us. We are spirit twins.

Hi LaLa and thanks. It is not your english - it is mine. I need to proof read more. It should have read "She will never get over someone in her past." Nothing is really too personal for me - I am odd that way as w well. I have told her about my x-gf and my charges, but that was some time ago.

Thanks LaLa. Se has been communicating about it in bits and pieces. I have not been pressing her for it. We got past that episode. We spoke on the phone, giving me her number seemed to be a very significant step for her. We have although hit another problem and she wants to let me go, because she doesn't want to hurt me and feels she will never get other someone in her past. I have send her a few messages and hope this is also temporary. We shall see.

Well my relationship has taken an unexpected turn. I still feel positive about it, but am somewhat anxious. The person I am speaking to, I will call her C, has basically said that she has found in me someone that she thought she would never find and this scares her and she doesn't know why and is spending some time to think about it, to understand what she is scared of. I think in many ways it is simply part of the trust issues. I assume she was not really ready to find someone she felt she was going to fall for. Not sure. I hope she doesn't need to think too long. She reassured me she is not going away.