Human

Hey, Tekka. I don't think I know enough about you to be all that helpful, but if you really had no feelings towards killing yourself, would you have come here to ask about it? I'm hoping that's a sign that you don't actually want to go through with it, you just want out of your current situation. With the visual hallucinations and mental screaming, are you in counseling? If not, I highly suggest getting into that. Death is always a "rational option," but it's not a very productive one, and it doesn't accomplish anything. It's jumping out instead of fighting. You seem like a strong person to me, and I'd like you to think of living in itself as a point of pride, so at least if you have no feelings towards death, you can have a positive one towards life, because it's certainly a struggle, and choosing to do so is a triumph. If relationships are causing more harm than good, getting out of them would be something to work on, unless, of course, that's impossible, (i.e. if they're your family or something). Otherwise, I think extracting yourself from that stressor would be a good first step. Other than that, I don't really know what to say, other than that I hope you are or will see a therapist or something akin to one. Best wishes to your situation.

I do have a therapist but I don't see her often enough because I can't be honest to her about how much I actually need the help. Since I'm a minor, she'd have to tell my parents if she thought there was a danger of me hurting myself, which is unacceptable. I've already started on the alcohol bit, for the past couple of months. I do worry about it becoming a problem to some extent but I can't bring myself to care enough not to. I don't want to waste my time here either. I just also don't want to be here in general, and they fight each other. I appreciate your reply, though. The perspective.

I could probably theoretically do most of it on time if I could motivate my ass to do it, which I can't. And no, college is definitely something I have to do, I have to be successful, to have the life I want I have to go to college. I appreciate the thoughts though. But it's always been the plan, i have a big life ahead of me, i have to, I'll never be fulfilled or okay with myself unless I go and make my parents proud

There are people at school who can both act as counselors and as a helping hand in the college process, but I fear that if I were to approach them for personal help they'd notify my parents. For the other part, it's mostly that I know what to do, it just takes time that I feel I don't have. I've tried making lists, but I can't motivate myself to keep up with them, it's just extra work, and although they would sometimes make the things I had to do less overwhelming, the normal reassurance factor is that there wasn't as horrendously much to do as the person thought, whereas even when I write it out it's just even more painfully obvious I don't have time to do it all. I think most parents would say they want to know their child's struggles, but that doesn't mean they're happier for it. I've caused my parents enough pain in the past, even if they'd want to know, it wouldn't make them happier, and that's my goal. Thank you, just having someone say they're listening helps. I appreciate this website.

Hi, I'm a 17 year old female, senior in high school, currently struggling but I try not to be lame. I hate myself violently, I'm very aware I'm a horrible person. I've gotten better at not showing it as much outwardly. I appreciate brutal honesty, and friendship, but I also like being alone

I'm 17. I've only been struggling with mental health issues for a few years now, but the past couple months have been incredibly difficult. I'm completely overwhelmed as I'm a senior in high school taking AP classes and I'm dual enrolled taking calc 2 at a local college. I dread every waking moment, the knowledge of everything I have to do including apply to colleges, and then go to college and probably continue to feel like this... I don't know, I've been seeing a therapist for a year and a half on and off but her schedule is full right now and so I can't again until December. I've began attempting suicide twice in the past month and a half, slashing my wrist deep enough to terrify myself and drinking pills, and a third time that wasn't intended to kill myself where I just took a bunch of pills because I didn't care. The most recent was last Monday. I never went all the way, I'd realize that I couldn't do that to my family. I want to die, overwhelmingly, but I can't because of how it'd hurt those around me. I'm trapped. I can't sleep, I spend days at a time physically shaking, I can't handle anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my parents I need help because that would hurt them too, they need to believe I'm okay, don't advise me to go against that because that's the one thing I'm not willing to compromise. They deserve that. I just don't know what to do. And after spending yet another night being overwhelmed with how much I want to die, I came here, because I can't keep doing this.