John Rutledge

A kind of lizard ? My sister's boys have a couple of lizards. She might warn you to watch out for specialist vet's bills. Also, they are not exactly responsive or cuddly ... I long ago learned about the expense of keeping pets. We have had (a succession of) rescue cats for years. Between the food, the vets, the furniture damage, the "ongoing relationship" with the cat rescue people ... let's say there's a lot of truth embodied in a fridge magnet I have somewhere, depicting a cute kitten with the motto "Born Free - but now I'm Expensive". Still - wouldn't be without them. Yours from the Doghouse, JR.

... none of these options appear to suit the "He is not" option ... Best regards, JR.

The very best wishes for Christmas and the New Year to all In Here ! All the best,

Not at all, Catsirish - even I believe I have an idea of what you are getting at; and this is certainly not "ranting". We have had our fair share of ranting around this topic In Here (some of it, to my shame, from me), and I am afraid that you will have to do a lot ... worse than that to qualify as a ranter in this league ... you know I'm just kidding ! Wishing you all the best,

Claire, Thank you for the clarification. With kind regards,

I know I am breaking my resolution, but ... on what I hope is a not-too-controversial point ... Looking back over the last few posts in this thread, I notice that the issue of motivation to kick (whatever) the habit came up. I have long been convinced that there is a big difference between "wanting to quit" and "wanting to want to quit". I was in the latter state for a long time before I attained the former. Still not sure exactly how I made the transition but, eventually, I did. And then (allowing for a couple of relapses, not recent) I stopped. It seems to me that few systems or "programs" give much recognition to this distinction. Certainly, AA with its "sincere desire to quit", does not. Nor does Rational Recovery; I have a lot of time for RR but, again, it seems to start from the point at which there is a definite and rational (as distinct from "sincere") determination (as distinct from "desire") to quit. I cannot speak with direct knowledge of SMART or other "programs" but, from what I do know, I cannot see much recognition of the distinction between "wanting to quit" and "wanting to want to quit". I am convinced, from my own experience, that it is fatal (sometimes literally) to get stuck at "wanting to want"; and quite difficult to make the transition to actually "wanting". I do not know much about motivational interviewing. I have read some suggestions that, while it has limitations in terms of addressing substantive problems of addiction, it is useful in helping sufferers to determine whether they wish to make the "step" from "wanting to want" to the stage of actually wanting to quit. Does anybody In Here have any comments on this ? Hope this does not sound too confused, With very best and friendly regards, JR

Strange poems. Incomprehensible, even. Must be Disrespectful. Must ban them ... Yours from Valhal,

In a British House of Commons Committe yesterday, discussing possible questions to be included in the next UK census, the issue as to whether a question should be included as to the sexual orientation of respendents. A Conservative Member of Parliament objected - "Should gay people not be left with their own privacy ? I, certainly would expect that, should I ask a person's doctor what their sexual orientation might be, I would be told to bugger off - sorry, I should have been said, would have been told to go away ...". Er ... he certainly meant well ... Best regards,

You may recall that the introduction of the New Members' "reservation" followed a particularly unpleasant occurrance, in which a first (and only) time poster spread a set of blatantly pornographic images liberally around the forum. I have my problems with the "reservation" - but I suppose that it means at least that any new spam poster (and such entities are generally once-off posters) will be confined to posting in the "reservation", where they can be swiftly identified, Deleted and, if appropriate, banned. Not a complete answer but, at least, I can understand it. On the more general point of the utility of the reputation system, another thought occurred to me. Perhaps, as you say, most people don't really notice reputation ratings (better that nobody did, perhaps, in view of recent events) but they are there, so we should consider what it is that they actually amount to. I am not sure how many people bother to give reputation ratings, but I suspect it is a distinct minority. This means that ratings are appearing that are the result of contributions of a small number of members (like me) which may not remotely resemble the feelings of the membership in general. If, as appears from this recent controversy, there is not a clear understanding of the reputation system even among those of us who bother to use it, and if the results are not really representative of the general view In Here as regards the merit of particular posts and posters, perhaps we would be better off without it. With best regards,

Hello, Malign, Thank you for the considered response. Actually, I regret, and apologise for, my use of the reputation system in this respect. I can offer no excuse, other than that even I have my "inflamed" moments. In this instance, I thought it better to express my unease about certain tendencies In Here in this particular way, rather than feeding the flames through a post. This was a mistake. As my old Irish granny (Gods rest her !) used to say, "If you have nothing good to say - say nothing". I concede that doing nothing would also have been better in this case. My views in the substantive matter, however, have not changed. It may also be noted that I have not been slow to add reputation liberally - my sin in this case is balanced against many, many increases in reputation to posters in various areas of the Forum. McGowdog may be amused to note that I added reputation on his first post! Reading Claire's comments, I am moved myself to wonder about the utility of the reputation as it is currently constituted. While the New Members' "reservation" attempts to address a serious problem with potential spam, the apparent link with reputation points when it comes to "escaping" is less than clear, and may be causing problems for new and potential posters. In the instant matter, it seems unfortunate that this matter has come to attention in this particular way, opening the danger of a sort of alternative flame war - precisely the sort of thing I would want to avoid. One adjustment might simply be to make the reputation system an "add-only" function ? No doubt, administrators and moderators will be considering such options. Finally, as to helping a person fall on his sword, you will no doubt recall that, in societies in which this was practiced, it was deemed an honourable office. Thanks again for your response, and best regards,

... you are a voice of reason and balance In Here. I might remark that one post in the "dead zone" that gave rise to this discussion raises serious doubt, to say the least, as to whether the reports under the reputation reporting system are actually confidential, as Malign suggests in an earlier post in this thread. Anybody interested in the matter can examine, and draw their own conclusions. Beyond that - I renew my request to Malign for the erasure of my 25 reputation points. Since I have sinned to the extent suggested in Malign's initial post in this thread, this course of action seems appropriate. Nothing else occurs at this time.

... I think that you are confusing the issue. It is not a matter of disagreeing with the line taken in certain posts, and by certain posters. It is, actually, a matter of the view taken of the motivation and methodology of certain posters. I do realise that in a certain area, it may be difficult to distinguish. Not impossible, however. Moderators may have this difficulty - fine. They may have difficulty making the distinction - fine. However, denigrating those who have used the reputation system to signal disapproval of suspect posters - that is, with respect, somewhat simplistic, inappropriate, and rather insulting. You may disagree - but there it is. By the way - I freely confess that I am a "guilty party" in this regard. In return, I request that you delete my 25 reputation points - in view of recent events In Here, they mean little to me anyway. Please do it. Best regards,

Believe me, I fully support you in this - I think most of us In Here appreciate the problem. Like you, I fail to understand what "objectively requested" means. Also, I find it difficult to understand how, in the circumstances as I understand them, a professional could suggest that you are not unduly concerned about your weight. Although then again - "not unduly concerned" might be taken to suggest that the nurse considers that one may have good reason to be "duly concerned" ... no, actually, that thought in itself suggests that your nurse merely expressed an inconsiderate, ill-thought-out, less-than-constructive comment. An act of laziness, perhaps ? Perhaps - but no more excusable for that. As I said before, you seem to me a positive sort of person. Really, this comment has impacted seriously on you, but has more to do with the ignorance and carelessness of the commentator than it does with you yourself. Beir beannacht,

I agree with jessicajane - this nurse's comment (the latter part of it at least) was totally out of order, and superfluous in the circumstances. I recall an experience in the course of my own in residential alcohol rehab. I had been there for three weeks - four, counting detox - and was perfectly sober, stable (as far as one can be after years of excessive drinking), and contributing positively (as everyone told me) to the group rehab process. Most mornings, I was up before the rest of the group, took a shower, and went for a brisk 20 minute walk in the grounds. On the particular morning, I was a little late, and found myself in the shower when the shower door was opened by a junior female nurse, "checking that I was up and all right". I know that this was part of the hospital's safety protocol but, I assure you, it is a bit unnerving for a middle-aged man to be ... interrupted in these circumstances by a female stranger young enough to be his daughter (technically, grand-daughter). I must confess I was less than appreciative of the nurse's intervention, given that I had singularly failed to show any suicidal tendencies in the shower over the preceding month. And I told her so. Later, in a group therapy session, one of the counsellors felt moved to comment that "one member of the group" had been "rude" to a nurse (circumstances unspecified) and should perhaps consider the sensitivities of the nurse, and make "appropriate" apologies. I promptly identified myself as the "culprit", and made the point that while I regretted any hurt feelings on the part of the nurse, it might be better if some regard were had, within safety protocols, of the individual circumstances of patients subject to it. No more was said by the staff. However, several of my fellow patients said to me afterwards that they were grateful for my stand. They had also been suffering from indiscriminate interference from well-meaning staff who failed to have regard to their individual circumstances. Truth is - it is natural for psych nurses, working with particular classes of problem on a constant basis, to fail to treat patients with full consideration from time to time. I think that this sort of generalisation of response is common in working life in general. For that reason, I would not take it personally - notwithstanding the fact that the nurse concerned was certainly out of order in your case. I would certainly consider complaining and, if you do, make your position quite clear and stand up for yourself. However, whatever you do, don't let it get you down. It has to do with the other person, who may have their own problems coping with their work. It has no objective bearing on you. I have read most of your previous posts, and you strike me as a very positive person, notwithstanding the difficulties that have brought you here. Stay that way - and don't let the ... so-and-sos get you down ! Very best regards,

I break my silence to say only one thing - it is a wise Internet saying that goes, "Don't feed the trolls". Yours from Heorot,