Lost in Lies

[Marc2290]

I am a reserved person, I do not have a temper, I dread confrontation and have always been an observer. I am very soft spoken, but I am also confident. I only speak when I have something to say. I am also lost in my lies.

I have been in a stagnant relationship for two years now and ever since I entered it, I have become a liar - Not to my partner - but to those around me, mostly my family. Let me first clarify, I am in a gay relationship, but I do not think I am gay. We have been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and since we moved in together I dropped out of Art school, have lied to my father for the sake of money and have hopped from job to job. For the sake of disappointing my family, I told them I graduated, have lied about my job situation, and Told them I broke up with my boyfriend as they advised me to do in order to gain their trust - all for the sake of disappointing my family and this relationship that I do not want.

I am truly not happy and have lost myself. My father has recently confronted me and found out about school, my job, and this relationship and has expressed how embarrassed and disappointed he is.

I do not know where to go from here - what to do - or how to find myself. I have sunken under the tide and am drowning. I feel numb to everything and disgusted with myself. I just need to know where to start - my mind is so clouded I can't see what I should do - any suggestions?

[Victimorthecrime]

You might be well advised to get clear with yourself man. "I am in a gay relationship but I am not gay" what is that all about?

Sounds like you are a young man so I suggest you connect w your own true inner voice and begin to live from that. Move away, find new friends, get a new job, and start fresh. If you are drinking or involved in substance abuse - quit. It is nearly impossible to make the kind of changes you need to make when toiling under that yoke.