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Alive but barely breathing



It's a vicious circle.. this fight.. and right now I feel like I have hit rock bottom, have been for the past few months.. this is definitely one of the lowest points I have ever been..mentally..

I don't want to give up, but oh how I want to at the same time. Funny because I know I have had to conquer situations in my life that were worse than this.. but somehow right now I feel like I am faced with my entire past, failures, paths I should have taken, just this negative thinking is getting the best of me..

Back then I had releases.. Back then I had the support of friends.. Years later, life changes, people come and go, and now I'm left here.. alone with my thoughts.. and I'm the only support I have so it seems.. well how can I support myself when I am my worst enemy.

It doesn't make things easier when all of these physcial problems are going wrong and have been for a long time now, and no matter what I do nothing is helping.. It makes it even harder when I don't connect well with my physician and it really seems that she doesn't care/take my issues seriously.. but something is really wrong and it's pissing me off..

I need to come to terms with my past and deal with the issues at hand.. but I am just stuck.. for some reason I can't move on.. but I need to learn.. it's been a long time down this road, and I need it to end.. It's just that much harder right now because I've withdrawn from life, so I've lost friends, relationships, etc.. Plus everything that is going on at home.. really just adds to everything else.. Just right now I feel like I'm better off gone.. I want to say goodbye.


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