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Had a fight with father & broke his laptop...



My father has problems like narcissistic p.d. & other mental issues, and because of this he has a horrible personality. He is just the worst person in the world. Dont even like him in the same room, I find him so obnoxious.

I just had a fight with him, and I wanted him to admit something wrong he was doing, & I told him if he doesnt, I would break his computer. He told me to go ahead & I did.

Some time back I realised what he was trying when he told me to go ahead. He challenged me to go ahead, because I think he thought I wouldnt do it since I lacked the confidence. He was leveraging on my low confidence with this tactic.

Why I think this is worth mentioning is because I remember this one time when I was a 5 y.o. and he was fighting with my mom as always, and I told him that if he doesnt stop I would call the police.

But I had a screwed up childhood & completely lacked confidence; and he knew that. So I just remembered that when I had "threatened" him with calling the police as a 5 y.o., he had used the same strategy back then (22 years back; I am 27 now), leveraging on my low confidence, & told me to go ahead and call the police. And off course I couldnt. I could only pick up the receiver and then I froze.

But its interesting that even after 22 years he is deploying the same tactics. Damn I wish I had called the police that day.

He has so frustrated me thru his selfish behaviour & tactics this whole time, that many years back I resorted to breaking household things to get a release whenever there is a fight. I have serious problems with both my parents, & they just dont understand me. And naturally I have my own set of mental issues by now, including being in depression my whole life. Thanks dad.

P.S. Yes I know I am a loser.

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