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Is this really the best I deserve?



As at least a couple of you here know, my relationship is pretty much in the crapper. My wife and I invited another woman into our relationship, and I ended up falling for her. She treats me better than my wife ever did, without all of the emotional problems that my wife has. This woman is like my other half. If I would've been born a woman, I'd have been her.

Anyway, one night I gathered up the courage to tell my wife I was leaving her to start up a relationship with the other woman (OW for short). My wife flipped out completely. She took a knife from the kitchen and began to cut her wrist. I stayed there all night to make sure she didn't do anything stupid, and she said if I left, she was as good as dead.

Wifey and I sat down, and planned out what it would take for our marriage to work. All the while, leaving OW completely in the dark as to what was going on because Wifey was still having those kind of thoughts. The main thing for me to do was to stop all contact with OW. She was supposed to work on being less selfish, and having consideration for my feelings. That lasted about a night.

The very next evening, she dragged me out to one of the night spots the three of us used to frequent. I told her "no", and she played her usual guilt games until I gave in. I had a terrible time, as did she. The whole ride home she acted as though it was fault for ruining her good time. Hello? I didn't even want to be there in the first place.

A couple of days later, the way things had ended with OW still had left a bad taste in my mouth. Wifey wouldn't let me tell her everything that happened. So I texted her to explain how things happened that night. She understood, and said she would be willing to wait for me as long as it took. Wifey would ask me if I talked to OW every day after work, and to avoid the fight that would ensue, I lied and said no. Wifey found out about said messages, and was furious.

Now it seems like Wifey is constantly comparing herself to OW. She expects me to stop thinking about her, when everything I see, hear, or do reminds me of her. Like I can just flip a switch and all my feelings for OW would stop. I'm not wired that way. You can't help who you fall in love with. I've seen that there is better out there for me. But I can't go out and get it.


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