I wish I had wisdom, for you, today.
I just have a hodge-podge of thoughts, and the urge to post, I'm afraid. Let's see where that takes us, shall we?
I want to be free, and I don't know how. My wife's newest idea, in the quest to find an agreement, is to ask me for copies of my paystubs and other financial information, all of which she already knows. This is precisely the information she vehemently objected giving to me about herself, back when my lawyer started to attempt what they call "discovery". I still don't understand why she's asking; it's all information she already has.
I want to help, and I don't know how. I listen to my heart and say what I think, but I have no way of knowing whether it's the "right" thing to say, and little feedback afterwards, to judge for myself. Is it even my job, I sometimes wonder? Well, if not me, who? So, I do what I can.
I want to live, and I don't know how. I'm beginning to feel my way, and I have very few doubts. It's just difficult to translate into reality, on one hand, and it's an uphill battle against my old habits, on the other. The reality, at the moment, is that I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for something that's only partially under my control. And the habits are always waiting to tell me, in one way or another, what my wife used to tell me, that I'm just a "shit". I know better, as I always have. It's just very difficult to shut out the feeling, when it's nagged into you like that.
So, those are the challenges, and no one else is stepping forward to do them for me. ;-)
Once more into the breach, I suppose.