i dont even know what to name this one. went to church today and it was good. i get all built up, and feel like i can actually make it.....then, bam. why the hell do i keep bottoming out?

i cut again today just to feeel better. my scars are embarrassing but its my way of dealing. my alcoholic husband always wants me to have a drink with him. im so tempted to get off all psych meds and drink again. see, i had to have my neck rebuilt and have a spinal cord injury so im in constant pain and on pain meds along with psych meds.

im just rambling. gonna go read some more blogs. bye for now