So a week ago I was distraught. Really badly. But now I find myself happy. Its like if I hold out long enough I can feel happy and satisfied. I can feel okay. Its like when I walked home from school. I had nothing to drink or eat all day and I walked 4 miles home. I was dying of thirst by the time I got home. I wanted to quit. Give up. But it was hot out and I had no money and didn't want to wait for my father to pick me up. So I kept walking. I got home and drank 3 full glasses of water.
Anyways I was REALLY lonely and I was to the point I couldn't take it. I was listening to music, but I was listening to depressing music. It hard to break the cycle because when you are depressed you don't want to listen happy and fun music. You are not in the mood. And you never will. Unless you are forced to listen to it.
I discovered I like rap. It makes me feel like there is someone out there who has felt such emotional and mental pain and it doesn't depress me. It consoles me. I don't know if you can understand.
Not too surprisingly, music has yet again dragged me out of the dark hole I was in. I feel much better today. I feel like I can smile.