It's a Support Community!
Entry posted by malign
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So, it sometimes seems as if we lose track of what this place is here for. So I thought I'd define my view of it, for you. This is a
Support Community
What does that mean?
First, the purpose is to support each other. That means that we try to help each other, in a certain particular way.
Second, it's a community. That is, it's a bunch of people gathered in one place for a similar purpose, in this case, support.
So, what the heck is support, anyway?
Well, sometimes it's information. Some of us have factual information that others can use. Though no one here is in a position to diagnose someone, some do have knowledge that others might not have.
Sometimes, it's personal experience. Each of us has a different story to tell, some of us, many stories. Relating those experiences can help others to feel the fundamental commonality that we all share: we're all human. Not one of us is so different that they can't be understood.
But I would submit that most of the time, supporting a person is something even less tangible: most people come here, I believe, simply to know that they've been heard, and "felt". It's a pretty basic need, and only other humans can offer it. It doesn't have to be expressed in flowery words, it doesn't require any special education, and it doesn't require that the person doing the supporting be free of the need for support, themselves. It just requires humanity, and thankfully, we all have that.
So, how do we make this a community?
Now, any time you get a bunch of people in one place, it can get complicated. People's needs are diverse, sometimes even contradictory. For instance, some people have been hurt by a certain behavior, and others are here because they have that behavior and are trying to change.
Sometimes, given the limitations of our different backgrounds and of the narrow communications medium that we're using, people misunderstand each other. We come from different cultures, different parents, different homes, different lives. Some words are used differently in different places; some phrases are common in one place but would sound insulting somewhere else.
These are realities that cannot be changed, as they arise directly from the fact of our diversity. It is simply impossible for our interactions to be smooth at all times.
However, we do need to keep in mind that this is a community. That means that grievances are not settled by escalation. That just leads to wars. Grievances are settled by informing the person who hurt you of what has happened, and giving them the chance to apologize or restate what they said in a less hurtful way. They may not choose to do that; people aren't predictable. But both your response and theirs are out there in the community, and it's the community's responsibility to absorb the disturbance and make the situation work.
That might mean intervention by a moderator, but I would like to believe that most disputes can be solved within the context of the community itself. That's the reason we gathered together, in the first place, after all. And besides, that way, we get to learn in this smaller, safer "world", before having to venture out again into the larger one.
Why am I throwing all of these words at you?
It seems like a good time for us all to think about why we came here, and about why we stay. Is it to seek help, is it to give help, is it to express ourselves, or to hear other people? Many people are unsure about whether they can be helped; many are unsure about whether they have any help to offer to others.
But only by thinking about what we want can we begin to work on getting it. And only by thinking about how we want to feel can we begin to work on feeling that way.
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