Yay! Good for you! Glad to hear it's a good day for you. And definitely don't feel guilty for making the decisions you need to for yourself.

Going home is way to much anxiety for me, I don't feel like a member of that family, I feel like an outsider.

Like I am speaking right here!

I need to remind myself everyday that it is okay to make this choice and that I am not betraying anyone and/or letting anyone down

Let me help you here: It's OK!

Sometimes what we want (for us) comes to contrast with what others want (form us). Realizing what we want is not bad. When we get confused, is when we think we can keep everybody happy. Well you can't have this. Wether you'll go or you won't. You can't change their way of thinking so you should change yours. So you'll have to keep happy whatever the decision is. So if you think you can't go, you stay home and forget about their psychology-it's their job. After all, as I told you above, you don't ask anything from someone to be ok, you just want to be alone to be okey. But in order they be ok, they do ask something of you. So... you are not pushing anything, it's not you who's doing it. If you feel alone, stay alone. Just, do a favor to yourself and feel ok with it. You can't have everybody happy, you are just responsible for your own happiness, while they are responsible for their own.

I am glad you are happy today. Hope I helped you to stay this way Happy Christmass